Any relations experts?

Bedside lamps don't match, not gay
- My wife and I have carpets next to our sides. She did not want them to mismatch :(
  
  Sorry dude your wife is gay

- It is pictured, just not visible
  
  Theres three naked dudes under that bed you just know it.
- Bisexual pride!

So many people have thought I was gay I went into introspection. Turns out I'm very straight.
- I will say this in my bluntly antiquated way (47 man).
  I kissed my buddy in high school because fuck it it was a dare. Didn't like it it's fucking weird. I wear pink. Love pink. I've painted my nails, dyed my hair, wore a dress before. I do all that because I know I'm straight. It's hilarious watching less secure people do juggling exercises in their heads when I know I'm going home and I'm fucking chicks.
  My current gf is far more conservative than I am so I've toned down a lot but my joke has always been my grandma thought I was gay and asked my cousin once. He told her I'm not because he's walked in on me so many times having sex with girls lol.
  Moral of the story, don't give a fuck what people think. Do you and if doing you is being gay then be fucking gay. Own it. Trust people like me will have your back if some dickhead pushes back.
  I'm with John Waters. We need to bring perverts back into fashion.
  
  Dude, same.
  I don't wear much pink, but I paint my nails, I color my beard non-standard colors (I look great in purple).
  Completely straight, never once had an interest in the same gender. I often accompany friends to drag shows and gay bars and I have a blast.
  
  I was with you to the last line, but who's John Waters?
  
  Yeah, it's usually just a compliment. Some things that implied I was gay were having gay friends, smiling, being friendly and not always having sex-seeking behavior with girls. Probably also that I don't have traditionally male hobbies like football and I'm also a good listener. Then there's the fact that I grew up in an all female household and I'm up for listening to matters of the heart.
  Rest I'm pretty much a stereotype guy, I go to the gym, mediocre hygiene and dress like I have no sense of style. I've had some girls even say "I first thought you were gay but in reality you're really straight". Probably my love of having sex with girls gave it away finally.
  
  This sort of thinking is what made me realize that early gay figures (e.g. think the extremes of San Francisco and the like) were straight-up punk rock. "You don't like us and want to harm us? Check it out, I'm walking my partner on a leash and we're not wearing pants. Go fuck yourself." That perspective really morphed my view into a real respect.
  
  I'm 54, thin and wear women's clothes all the time. My wife balked at me getting a couple of white linen blouses at the thrift, then she saw me in one at the beach. Hubba hubba.
- my dad still thinks I'm gay, and I've introduced him to previous gfs
  
  Idk how little pics of meme would help but ok
- I'm my late teens and early twenties, I had several occurrences of gay guys hitting on me, to the point where I started to worry that there was something about me. It seems funny to me now, but I really did have a period of wondering if I could be and was just repressing it because of my Catholic upbringing. But ultimately I realized that I just didn't find guys attractive at all, and even the thought of kissing a guy was kind of a boner killer. So I get what you're saying, even though on the surface it sounds funny to say you wondered if you could be gay.
  Sometime later I ended up with a couple of close gay friends, and I mentioned it to them. They said it was probably because I put out a very non-judgemental vibe and didn't seem like a homophobe, so it probably didn't seem risky to hit on me.
- So many people have thought I was gay I went into introspection. Turns out I’m very trans.
  
  im gay but not in the way anyone thought
- For some reason lots of women think I'm gay too, even when I had a woman friend wingman for me. I'm self sufficient, reasonably clean, I dress nice (with help), and honestly a bit odd so I suppose that's why they'd think that. Just like you though, I'm quite straight
  
  They weren't calling ya gay because you dress nice and take care of yourself, it was that cock in yer ass

Fellas, is it gay to have a moderately tidy bedroom?
- It's entirely tidy, let's be honest here.
  
  Is entirely tidy, gay-er than moderately tidy?
  
  I bet you any woman with half her shit together could find at least 5 things wrong with that picture, probably more.
- FELLAS
  
  Precisely
  
  I wish there was a bot that turned these YouTube links to videos
  Maybe I should do that?

OK, now I wanna see the second pic. Cause that boy has a lovely bedroom. I would be very happy to get my ass destroyed in.
But I need to see a second pic, to see if he has a nice bedroom.
What? I have standards.
- Nah just another part of the room
  
  Lovely bedroom and you’re humble.
  You’re welcome to send me a private message ;)
  But seriously, having a sense of taste for the interior of one’s home does not make a person gay— it means you’re an adult with good taste. It does, however, run the risk of classifying you as “fabulous.”
  I wish this is my bedroom…
  
  No cuck chair? Fake and gay.
  
  This is much nicer than the view of the bed. I hate those little prison / kitchen windows over the bed.
  Plot twist: girlfriend is trans but in the closet so bedroom guy really is gay.
- I need to know if they have books! If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em!
  I’m a proponent of literacy, by any means necessary.

Not gay, I just fear the idea of being around another human. I am incapable of romance.
- It's easy. Just pretend everyone is a cat.
  
  "Hey don't worry about shitting in the closet; I'll scoop it up later."
  
  I think the cops would show up if I just randomly give a stranger head pats after allowing them smell my finger.
- That's fair, humans suck.
  Source, I'm human and I suck (not literally).

I spent so many years in the army I am stil not really de-institutionalized. I made my bed every day as a student with bed spread as I didn't want to dirty my bed clothes I'm case someone sat on the bed (small room). I still fold clothes for easy counting. I used to make my wife super angry when I complained about clutter "in the common rooms" as I always took my comic, book or whatever with me as I left the room.
Tbh I only ever got positive comments from the women I dated.
- But what about the men you dated? 🙃
  
  No shade on those who fancy men, but I don't swing that way so it never came up :)

This seems like the thread to ask. I am wiring up a two-way switch so that a person on either side of my bed can turn the bedside light on or off without having to roll over to the side that the light is on. Is... Is that gay?
- It is gay, yes, but since you're doing electrical work it's pretty butch. I'd say it makes you more lesbian than anything else. If you get some smart plugs to put them lamps on you can set them for voiced activation and regain some heterosexuality (but only the nerdy, techy kind that comes with big Reddit Mod energy).
  If you want to be back into Normal Straight Bro territory you have to make the voice command for the lamps the sound of you railing a chick. It's the only way to square things up. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules, and homo math can be very complicated.
  
  I would honestly say that the smart plugs and general electrical work pretty much go hand in hand. All my very much heterosexual male acquaintances that are electricians love smart plugs. Smart plugs everywhere. Going to their homes is like coming to an experimental museum of "how can I just barely make this building up to code while nothing fucking works".
- It has to be three-way in order to not be gay sorry
  
  It's funny because it's true (@ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works really does need 3-way switches for his application).
- Not if you say “no homo” every time you flip the switch
- Lightstrip behind the headboard. Wireless switch in the middle. Problem solved, no homosexuality involved.
- Only if you don't have a socket with Type-As built in

Silly silly bedroom lol. Malelivingspace is the malefashionadvice for chubby reddit boys. Everything plain, soulless, and inoffensive. No character whatsoever, just "stick to the template," Eames lounges and brasilia credenzas galore. The only place online where "what color KALLAX should I get to match my 670?" is asked as a serious question and will get many strongly opinionated replies.
Live a little in your living space. I think even basic.space gives better homespherebuilding advice than that sub
- I legit thought the picture was of a hotel room at first
  
  I was looking for some reddit-tier joke of a big dildo under the bed or something
- Here I'm used to it being "TV on the floor in front of a recliner in an otherwise unfurnished apartment" kind of thing.
  
  That reminds me of the Lemmy post with the unfinished living room and the turkey.
  Edit: Found it
  
  Does my office/workshop/gym/bedroom look okay guys?
- malefashionadvice
  I used to visit that sub a lot about ten years ago. It looks like it hasn't changed a bit in that time - it even still has the same little fit drawings on the top bar. Has male fashion somehow frozen?
  
  All the content creators on MFA dipped after the api drama, all that's left on that sub is reposts. Many of the userbase moved to their discord
  
  I wish it hadn't changed, it's gotten much worse, as has much of Reddit. Like the other guy said, all the mods on MFA left last year and took the core community to Discord (apparently, I don't use Discord though). What's left is just middle schoolers and bot accounts.
  Interestingly I did hop back on Reddit a few days ago on a little check-in and saw this post on MFA. Might've been the subconscious reason I name dropped it above in the first place.
- I just don't get the idea of separating living spaces by gender in the first place.

This is so bizarre. So his GF decides he's gay, because his room is tidy? No mention of sex life, so I'm going to assume there's no issues there.
Such a weird assumption to make.
- I have "the aura". And although I don't know what that means, I've started asking anyone who asks me if I'm actually gay, what leads them to that assumption.
  The current top picks are:
  I look put together, I care about hygene, I clean my home, I'm usually friendly, I look happy.
  Like… their assumption is correct. But when did caring for oneself become a sign of the big gay? What are straight people doing?!
  
  The straights are not doing well
  
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metrosexual
- Nah it's contrived.
  It's an impossible accusation to disprove, because it's not a thing you did, it's your preference. You can only "protest too much" or "protest too little".
  Likely the other person wants the relationship to end, but can't stand the idea of it being their fault. So it's the "closeted" person's fault.

This looks so much like a hotel room

I must admit, I never make the bed when my wife is out of town.
- Am gay. I don't make the bed unless I expect visits. Does it make me feel fricking good to see a tidy bed and house? Yes. Will I do it every day? Absolutely not.
  
  Just like us cis folk might feel as well. Am cis male, feel the same way, sort of. In fact, I might even make the bed more often when my wife isn't around because she keeps telling me that living things like a tidy bed more just after you get up out of it, so wait a while until making it. But if I wait, it never gets done. I'll do it immediately if she isn't around.
  
  I guess that destroys that theory.
- I make the bed, at least my side of it, every day. If I don't, my wife, along with the cats and dog, won't give me any covers when I get in.
  
  I never understood sleeping in the same bed as a dog. Feels so filthy. Even a cat, bro. (Lived with cats for 22 years before moving from parent.)

Looks like the kind of guy that actually puts his drugs away when not using them.
Not to be trusted.

Heterosexual men don’t decorate beyond the social minimum standard that it doesn’t look empty. This is not decorated, everything is just "put somewhere" where it is easily accessible.
- Excuse me? Have you never been to a nerdy single guy's house? Action figures everywhere. Many of them still in boxes. Possibly swords on the walls.
  
  Actual swords or mall ninja stuff?

Can anyone place that hotel room?
- Room 312, 43 MLK Blvd, Springfield, NK
  
  There's a Springfield In North Korea? I'm OF COURSE there is.

sad beige ass room
- Sad beige-ass room. Normie.
  Sad beige ass-room. So gay.

the clock stresses me out

If I'm being honest, it looks like a badly kept hotel room.

Is it just perspective, or is the picture on the left side of the window lower than the one on the right?
- Just perspective, look at the curtain rod, it also slants downward

So when we put all social pressure and all that aside and we look at a womanly woman, a manly woman a manly man, a womenly man, a person in between: which one would you prefer to fuck? One, several, all? This usually does the trick.
- "Gotta catch em all"

What is the second picture?
- A 10 inch butt plug

Homophobic… ._.
- I, too, am scared of clean spaces.
  
  The post was literally "I'm worried you're gay and won't date you anymore". Best case she's just using it as an excuse.

If you need someone else to tell you who you are you should never leave the house. Seriously.

If your girlfriend says you're gay, perhaps it's time to switch sides.
- https://theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529/

Reminds me of a song. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S7pbLArOCFE

https://youtu.be/8pTJKLRPPXc

Did you ever climax for her?
Do you want to climax for a dude?
Answering this two questions will place you somewhere on a spectrum from straight to queer.