Hey! I may be grumpy, and bitter, and lash out at children, and trick people into neglecting God's Word but... What was that other thing you said?
Avoid talking to them!
They might make sense, and we haven't finished indoctrinating you!
They call me godless when they use Comic Sans top to bottom.
Hey you sure seem grumpy. Are you atheist?
It’s the font for the hip and cool youth don’t you know 😎
witnessing techniques
I'm not even gonna ask.
Christians ending up in Valhalla thinking twice about how they witnessed. 😂
witness in(terrogatin)g techniques
Something like "I see God and have to tell you about it".
No no, you need to use the advanced ones on Mr Grouch, or he'll trick you into realising the load of crap we've been feeding you.
But yeah it's weird to see witnessing used to mean basically the same as "evangelizing", I associate witnessing to crime...
It's their word for "proselytizing"
I love tricking people into neglecting god's word.
Holy shit. I can't believe I recognize this art.
This shit is ancient, and it was drawn as satire/bait. Nobody is handing out these flyers seriously. This post is rather embarrassing. Satire is dead I guess.
Edit: sources:
Source for text: scroll for text. I don't know where the goat went. This website is a high-effort satire page that hasn't been updated since like 2010. Looks real at first glance but just click around, it's clearly not a real church.
So I followed your link, found the quoted text, and and had a look around the website. I genuinely cannot tell if this is satire. Most of the links are now dead, but the ones that work seem to lead to serious sources. If it is satire, it is very high effort.
Anyway, I'm going to share with a friend who has more personal experience with this kind of thing and get their perspective.
It's very well written satire. As someone who's previously been part of evangelical house churches I can tell it's been written by someone who was part of church life for years.
It's so very well done I wasn't sure myself of it was real or not. Believe it or not I've known many genuine Christians who could crank out earnest content that was this cheesy and insane.
The clincher for me if that it neither asks for money nor gives an address. => Satire
(On the kids ministry page, the music track listings are particular genius)
There is an image to a shop page:
This link is broken. Hmm.... If this were a real organization that needed money, wouldn't they either shut this site down entirely or fix their shop page?
Notice the LOL acronym. Now visit this page:
Here are some of my favorites (notice most of these children are pretty talented and drawing with computer programs in 2010):
Edit: I should have grabbed the image with "shotacat" lmao
I don’t know where the goat went.
It tries to serve you .swf (Shockwave Flash) versions unless your browser doesn't support embedding, in which case it'll serve you .gifs instead. I guess that, since modern browsers do support embedding in general but not Flash, that's why they don't display either version.
Here are some of the .gif alternatives:
The only one I don't get is the Hebrew kangaroo. I guess the artist couldn't figure out what fauna was appropriate so they went for a rhyme instead? IMO, there's lots to choose from, but a "rabbi rabbit" would have also been pretty clever.
Edit: as a work of satire, I guess all four are equally and deliberately screwed up, now that I think about it.
Man this brings me back, haven't seen this since the 2000s. You can find the goat as a printable figure on the Kidz crafts link
Yeah I remember this from back in the day. Indignant atheist teenage me was pretty incensed at first, but the page about plans to build a massive cross-shaped satellite that transmits bible verses was a bit of a giveaway.
Why are they always so sad, or why are they so sad when there are evangelical christians around? Because I think it's the latter.
Yes but can we trust you Mr friend_of_satan?
Never forget, Satan was fired for doing his job.
Avoid talking to them
Yes please
I have become a megatheist. I buy into all the gods.
New gospel: All Gods are real and the reason they no longer meddle in the affairs of mortals is because they are too busy fighting their wars in heaven.
That sounds metal AF
New gospel: All Gods are real
That's the old gospel. Even at the time of the apostles polylatry (like idolatry, but different). All the gods are real but this god is your god. Hence all the proscriptions against idolatry and other gods.
And they fought in spirit and by archons. When David slew Goliath (or his chroniclers stole valor from Ethanan), that was a contest between gods, even as modern interpretations of the fight coach it in materialist terms.
The rising denial of gods via monotheism occurred after Caesar became Christian since prior Caesars got into the habit of persecuting those who didn't worship Caesar's god, or eventually Caesar, himself.
I just finished reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman so this theory seems good to me!
Alltheist
Omnitheist
You cannot attempt to battle an atheist unless you're a level 10 Christian with at least a max level crucifix.
That will only work if the atheist doesn't have any patients proficiencies, which comes with almost every athiest subclass. This gives the athiest advantage on charisma, intelligence, and wisdom saving throws from a character with the Christian class against the atheist. This is of course negated completely if the christian comes into the battle with the lawyered-up buff, but I didn't splurge on the LegalEagle's Book of Many Laws. So I'm not sure how that mechanic works.
Grumpy and bitter? You are the fucktards constantly trying to spoil all the fun!
What doppelgänger said.
This is a bit more insidious than it appears- because it's asking kids to rat out atheists to religious officials.
There are absolutely areas in the US where being discovered as an atheist will ruin your life.
It's so fucking culty to prevent kids from getting information that goes against the religious leader's beliefs as well.
"Don't talk to the atheist! They might give you bad ideas that will send you to HELL" Literally preventing the spread of information that goes against their beliefs.
It's called indoctrination. This is ironic as Christian Nationalists are in the vanguard against Transvestite Story Hour and panic over all the gay/transexual/satanic grooming that's going on.
I'll never accept any religion as long as atheist hate remains. How can you blame someone for not believing something with zero substantial evidence?
You can always say you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, tho.
Turns out, the Bible is wrong. The truth will not set you free. The truth makes you into a grumpy goat.
But what of tithing?? Who shall grift receive these woebegone atheists' untaxed revenues?
Oh shit. Atheist fursona.
I remember two adults acting as aegis for their child. The kid approached my door, handed me a flyer and asked me to come to his Jesus party. The parents were smiling hopefully. I have no idea what Jesus party even meant.
I kneeled and said flatly "There's no such thing as Jesus. Your parents and your pastor are lying to you."
They were HORRIFIED, the parents rushed up my stoop, the father literally grabbed the kid under his arm like a football and they fled.
Am I an asshole? No. That child needed to know he's being deceived.
Fucking cowards lol
They will never be able to take from that child, the seed of truth I planted in that moment.
Not trying to over-inflate the incident, but I remember being that young and looking to my elders for guidance. It would have been great if one rebel, at any point in my childhood, just said yeah I don't buy this shit either.
Possibly unpopular opinion by a fellow atheist, but you're just as bad as a preaching Christian by doing that. Trying to turn others to your belief system, however right it may be, is shitty, homie. Way to ruin a kids party, when you admit yourself you didn't even know what they meant by Jesus Party. Made an assumption, ruined a kids week. YTA.
I bet this guy also goes to the mall during Christmas and yells to the line of kids that Santa isn't real.
I was WAY more grumpy as a believer. Whoever wrote this probably pisses off all the atheists around them because they don't know how to treat them.
Right? I basically gained 1.5 days per week that had been previously ripped from me.
As a former catholic, I still can't wrap my head around a whole day of worship followed by an all-evening "bible study" later in the week. I distinctly recall priests getting to the point, singing a few songs, reading some stuff, knocking out a few weekly rituals, feeding the entire congregation, all in under 45 minutes1. I can't fathom what another 18+ hours of weekly religiosity would even contain.
Fr. I was so grumpy when I thought I believed in God because I'd gaslit myself into thinking I deserved to go to hell for not being able to force myself to believe "enough". Super healthy mindset for an 8 year old right? Right??
What a self-tell.
"Everyone that I am aware of being member of a group, is like that."
Mhm I wonder how you know that they are and why they are in a mood like that.
If I remember correctly this is from a site it gave fursona to other groups they didn't like including Jewish, and Islamic folks. It was an educational site directed to children
Yeah it was called Lambuel or something. I got a lot of laughs out of it.
https://objectiveministries.org/kidz/
I think it was here. But it's either gone now or lost somewhere in the slop. I can't even tell if this real or some kind of satire.
What is this?
What should you do if you find an Atheist?
If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood, TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.
Religion-tan?
I am immensely more fulfilled and content now than when I thought there was a wizard in the sky who reads my mind and judges me
Oh yes, i really should be handled by an adult.
Um, hi, I'm an adult!
Damn it's like looking in a mirror.
How do they know I'm so horny ??
I bet Mr. Gruff (and while I'm at it, Baphomet) has goat powers like being able to digest just about anything, and walk up slight inclined walls and cliffsides.
If you see someone who is grumpy and bitter rather than trying to witness to them (which doesn't work — we all force-fed Jesus the way we force feed geese) try bringing them cookies or inviting them to the community barbecue.
Wouldst thou like to live deliciously
ROFL That’s hilarious, I’m only grumpy on the days that fatigue can’t be beat by sleep. Otherwise, I’m pretty happy as my joy doesn’t come from the belief in something that might not exist.
"Witness techniques ". = Regurgitating religious propaganda and "gotchas"
Mr. Guff sounds too much like McGruff, that talking dog narc that works for the FBI.
Guaranteed this was put out by a very clever anti social atheist
Yeah, I'm a grumpy atheist. Guess what, I was an even grumpier theist.
Believing that there was a god who could make life less shitty for everyone but simply chooses not to would definitely make me grumpier.
I was always so sad because I had to pretend to be a boy. Doing way better now.
Father, we also have other related news, We have a cease and desist from the Almighty claiming that if we continue to use his name to push our own agenda he is ready to take legal action.
So you're telling me it also reduces children and zealots disturbances? That's a great advertisment for it!
Just tell them to come back to you after they get everyone that's already Christian to agree on everything first.
Leave Mr. Guff alone!
I'm a Christian, the opposite happens as well. Why can't we discuss our beliefs in a civilized manner? I will never tell my "pastor" about an atheist or theist in my area. Especially considering I have atheist friends.
I don't need to discuss your beliefs for the same reason I don't need to discuss the beliefs of the schizophrenic man that stands outside my building, clad in a blanket, shouting at the sky.
"Why some of my best friends are atheists! I just don't let them anywhere near my kids."
I have Christian friends. We all hang out because none of it matters. Sometimes we chat about it for the sake of chatting about it, but generally it's the last thing on anyone's mind. People who are vocal about their beliefs, one way or another, are annoying.
I lost a great life long friend 4 years ago and we gamed together. Sometimes when religion came up in a game we discussed it. Disagreed about it. Picked the controllers back up and played some more.
Handle us? You'll handle us? You know, your predecessors had much more respect.
Atheists are always pulling this face like they can’t believe how stupid and credulous the person they’re speaking to is. Every single one I’ve met does this.
The word "witness" caught my eye. Is this a Jehovah's Witness thing?
Are they using child labour to hand out their shitty pamphlets now?
I like how rational sorrows about the state of the world is considered grumpy compared to mindlessly giving away any responsibility by praying.
Raped your wife/daugther? Pray! Got raped by family? Pray!! Pillaged an entire workforce for every dime they had, killing some of them by removing healthcare/firing them? Pray! Having no healthcare on the deathbed? Pray!!!Be an drunk asshole abusing your family? Pray!!!!!
Shut the fuck up an PRAY!!!!!!
I need that grumpy goat in tattoo form.
I gotta watch evil on Netflix. Its good! Lol.
im proud of the truths outlined here
“Why are they always so sad?”
Oh well, I guess believe whatever makes you feel good?
Good old Objective: Ministries.
These have been circulating for... at least a decade now.
I don't believe in a higher power. That's why I'm so fucking grumpy. It's certainly not because we can't have healthcare. It's not because of a genocide. It's not because workers are exploited. Not because our planet is destroyed. No, it's all because I don't believe in a cloud man.
This is AI generated, right? Looks off.
nah i saw this last decade
Doesn't look like that to me, it just looks like someone quickly drew it up in that general style.