Couples, what secret language do you use to tell each other details that the company you're in doesn't understand or notice?
Couples, what secret language do you use to tell each other details that the company you're in doesn't understand or notice?
What words, phrases or signs do you use and how do you get your partner's attention?
When my wife can't remember someone's name, she'll grab my hand and squeeze it with two quick squeezes "Help. Me.".
That's my cue to either work their name into a comment/question or, if I don't know them, introduce myself followed by a "And you are..?". Works pretty well all of the time.
Of course, being together so long, and loving to fuck with each other's heads when we can, sometimes I'll just stand there and give them my best Aussie "owzitgoin?", and watch my wife squirm. That's usually when the nails dig into my hand, hoping to draw blood.
Worth it.
If we are together one of us will use the phrase "Is there Lemon in this?" And hold up our drink which is code for get me out if this conversation/situation.
If we aren't in the same room. We pull out our phone and text Save Me. Then the other person comes and finds you to say that So and So needs them immediately. Yadda, yadda.
My spouse and I lived in a bunch of countries over the years. We speak Quebec French, English, and Spanish, as well as a smattering of Chinese, Bulgarian, Korean, and a few odds and ends here and there.
We basically speak whatever we think people around us won't understand. Very colloquial Quebec French in non-French-speaking countries, Chinese around white people, Bulgarian around non-white people, or even a cryptic mix of everything when we're not completely sure.
We figure anyone who understands is probably someone we want to know... Hasn't happened very often, but it does happen. So far we weren't saying anything overly embarrassing when we got caught, but we sure as hell have no filter between us because of this!
None. My wife doesn't know about tact, or the polite white lie or anything like that. She doesn't have time for that bullshit. It's one of her endearing qualities.
Nice try.
Any fizzy lemon & lime drink is now Sauvignon.
This stems from a meal nearly 20 years ago where she asked for "Sprite or 7-Up" and was given a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc by a slightly hard of hearing waitress.
Nice try. It's secret.
A “look” is usually enough to let each other know something is up.
We haven’t really figured out how to communicate what that “something” is though and always end up more confused than informed.Korean
Around the kids, when they were young, we used French for those things we didn't want them to know about. She's fluent and I don't really speak it at all, but took it back in High School and remembered enough vocabulary to make it work.
Today, both our boys have taken years of Spanish and they speak in Spanish for those things that they don't want us to know. LOL
Around other adults, my wife and I have a system of looks that we give each other. We can have an entire conversation just by giving each other looks.
Pig-Latin but very fast. Decades of practice.
Swiss-German is a pretty good secret language.
Perhaps more useful is to silently make your mouth into an "o" like you're saying "go" if you want to go, or a line like you're saying "stay" if you want to stay.
Most people around us usually get it so isn't really a "secret" language, but my wife and I are big Simpsons fans so we talk in quotes all the time.
One that gets a lot of play is "I'm going... to... stalk... Lenny and Carl" for when we're going somewhere but really sure what we're going to do
Ready to go home?
Steve is just a jackoff today. Right?
Yep. 😘 fuck him. Let's go home.
Might just be cus we're both neurodivergent, but we have a lot of non verbal cues, though he's nowhere near as showy as I am.
Whenever I end up overstimmed and go non-verbal, I tug at his shirt gently, or paw at him. From then it's simple ASL. For him, he genuinely just has simple phrasing or wordings that are kind of "key words" between us. The both of us are high functioning in our 20s, this is just kind of how it ended up and we're both super not subtle about it. It's great.
Edit: we literally do pigeon noises at each other at random. One of us says coo and the other goes roo. It's literally just a "thing" between us and it started because of us watching pigeons together and it stuck.
We have a Darmok and Jalad at Tenagra style system where we reference memorable past events.
I handed my girlfriend a hair tie once while at my parents house. Good times were had.
Very rudimentary Japanese, or incredibly elaborate/old Englishy stylized speech
English.
I just text; don't have to worry about someone else picking it up.
Spanish
This was taught to me,
Snuggle and cuddle. Tell the person you want to cuddle, means to curl up together under a blanket and watch a movie. Tell the person snuggle when you want to fuck (but your being discreet). And if your hair looks a little messed up or someone asks what y'all been doing... snuggling 🥰
My wife and I have a couple of terms that we frequently use.
- SET - "South Eastern Twat", used to describe a pretend-farmer, with gilet, flatcap and Landrover, who are so frequent in this part of England. We used to live in a more down-to-earth part of the country, so have allergic reaction to the stealth-wealth and snootiness you find down here.
- "There's no need for buttering the pan" - a description for ovulation days, when my wife gets quite randy :)
- ALTHAB - "At Least They've Had a Bath", which we use as a short-hand for "the kids had baths yesterday, won't need one today and therefore, if we push through, we can get them to bed early and might have some calm time together, in front of the TV, playing a boardgame or whatever is required to reconnect.
- HPS - "High Pressure Sex", a joke used to get us both to relax about those moments when you feel like you ought to have sex (you finally have a night away or whatever), but neither of you can be bothered (too tired, too stressed etc.).
I wouldn't call either of these particularly secret, but whatever, they're fun.
Excess material = a very large shit, often multiple shits.
Trip insurance = using the bathroom before getting in the car, whether it's needed or not. I came up with this one as a child, and it's now in widespread use in my extended family, especially with the nieces and nephews.
When we travel: speak japanese. Else, we've been together enough to know each other pretty well and often don't need to say much aloud to communicate something
We have a code for when we're ready to leave a party. One of us will go to the other and do the finger walking up the other's arm. This means "I want to go home."
My AuDHD self went and married another ADHD person, and we are both full of little non-verbal cues we give each other, and they range from Significant Glances to discreet groping. We communicate well (and I 100% think the reason we get along so well is because we communicate) and non-verbal is just part of it.