[cw homophobia] Hetero Awesome Fest, heterosexual parade in Boise Idaho on June 20

This ain't no limp-wristed woke-fest
Expect riveting speeches that'll wake the dead
Hmmmmm will there be woke or?

Rock-Solid supporters standing tall

The most profoundly miserable kids in the world are gonna get dragged here by their parents just so they don’t have to pay for a babysitter, poor little Kayden’s gonna be waiting past 9 PM for his dad to drunk-drive the family back home in a custom lifted cybertruck

I dislike learning about local news through this website, it's never anything good.
- good luck in your journey out of idahellhole

I’m gonna show up and whip my dick out

This will have gone from a shitty theme month at some bar to a political rally with a petting zoo in front of the Idaho state capitol in less than a year with no publicly available information about sponsors or donation numbers. A letter from the IRS confirming their status as a 501C3 public charity is dated to January of this year. Now I'm not exactly sure how that all works but 5ish months to get major donors on board seems like a tall order. Their special guests appear to be reactionary twitter guys.
Not exactly confidence inspiring.
My bet is this is going to be DashCon for queerphobes and a total sausagefest.

Seems odd the only picture of people together appears to be 2 women. Still think it's gotta be a bit

AI-generated ass blurb

StraightWhiteMaleLivesMatter

Damn I was hoping this would just be a festival for straight dudes rocking, totally straight guys just hanging with other totally straight guys and doing straight guy stuff like making ou... I mean, lifting!
- It's not gay bro, Dr Mike said smooches between sets improve your recovery time. We're just doing it for the gains, bro
  
  Oh yeah, Dr Mike also told me about an all natural protein supplement!

What up! We're some awesome guys looking for other cool guys who want to hang out in our party state! Nothing Sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged, but if you're fat, we expect you to find humour in the little things. Nothing Sexual

cishets are so fragile, cant go a single june without some whiny shit like this

If it wasn't for the link I'd genuinely be convinced this was a bit. I genuinely guffawed at their attempt to both punch up and bury the dull conservative-value lectures in the middle as "expect riveting speeches that'll wake the dead".

Imagine hating someone so much, you equate acknowledging their existence to an existential threat

Straight people are fucking goofy lmao

killer food
C'monnnn bird flu!

One thing though, we aren't mad. Please do not let the papers say that we are mad.

GOT A BEER IN MY BEER AND A CHEVY IN MY TRUCK
GOT A DOG AT THE WHEEL, CUT-OFF JEANS, TRUCK
- AMAN HAWSS IM CRANKIN MUH HAWG
  HAWG: CRANKED.
  LIBUHRALS: OWNED
  TELL. DEBORAH AND THE KiDS . .THAT I SAY HI
- But no dirt roads tho cause that’s gay, and we’re straight (normal (not gay (abnormal (hell))))

https://vimeo.com/1076714765/daa7740d3d
This is the ad. Some boomer bar owner yapping. He says that it's June and he wanted to celebrate his daughter's birthday but he can't because he's afraid to go downtown because of Pride events. He then asks the question "What if we celebrated god's design for sexuality?" on my daughter's birthday.
Then he starts yapping about selling promotional alcohol at his bar. He says "Mondays are Beers for Breeders, males who are breeders" "Thursdays are Happy Hour for Hers" and "Wednesdays are for couples, 15% of bills of couples".
This is like a Tim & Eric skit.
- We need to focus on creampie/breeding fetishes, just like God intended.
  I mean, god did kill a guy for pulling out so I guess it tracks
- Mondays are Beers for Breeders, males who are breeders
  Babe, are you okay? You've barely even touched your beer for breeders.
- it hurts that I will never in my entire life come up with something as funny as "Mondays are Beers for Breeders"
- What a fucking baby.
  Muricans’ gonna murican.
- Like fucking clockwork, it’s always the hetero men that have all the masculine energy of a cockapoo puppy that scream the loudest about having “guts” and not being “limp-wristed” and forming “Battle Lines” (who knows why he decided to capitalize that part).
- He says "Mondays are Beers for Breeders, males who are breeders"
  What if you're infertile or had a vasectomy or whatever? Are you supposed to crank out a sample to prove you're a "male breeder"?
  
  There's a clip in the video where he speaks into a microphone at the bar "Alright. Welcome Everybody to Heterosexual Male Monday! Are there any heterosexuals here tonight?" The patrons cheer. There's a gadsen flag on the wall. It's unclear whether he collected sperm samples from the patrons.