Do the right wing women in relationships with right wing guys think it's like a draco malfoy thing where they're a good guy underneath?

They definitely think they’re the good guys, both the men and women. Not many people knowingly choose to be villains. They are convinced that their ideals are just and true, and their opponents are godless child-murderers and rapists.

They 100% think they are the good guys.
I know for sure, because they are my close family members.
Those who supported the KKK, Nazis, confederates, slave owners and apartheid leaders.
They all have in common that they saw themselves as the good guys and saw the other people as bad or naive.
- This has been my experience with my own family, neighbors, coworkers, etc. They think of themselves as the good guys "standing firm" against the hoards of those "scary other people" who want to take their guns, raise their taxes, and wage war on Christmas. Even though what those "other people" really want is affordable healthcare, education, and housing.
Right. If the 20 teens and 20's taught me anything, it's that everyone has a story going on behind their eyes and they're always the main character/hero in their own story.
- Perception is reality as they say. Some people buy into that a little too hard.
No, we don’t think you’re evil. We think you’re good hearted but mistaken about what works and what doesn’t.
- I’m glad you feel that way. I have a lot of family down south who 100% think we’re all evil and that our explicit goal is to destroy America. Even in this thread there is someone saying liberals want to murder babies.
- "We"
  I think YOU need to go meet some conservatives, because I have absolutely heard that exact terminology from some of my conservative relatives.
- Don't downvote this just because you disagree with it - we need people with different views for this site to thrive
  Edit - I'm sorry for the suggestion, please fire up the echo chamber
If their job is a cop, then they'd be somewhat correct in that notion?
- There's a lot of stigma around cops now
  And tbh most of it is deserved
- If they’re a good cop, sure, in that one regard. Not many good cops these days, the system actively punishes and removes good cops.

I am way, way, way more progressive than my husband but we both grew up before things got so polarized. It's hard to talk to him about politics because he has gotten sort of propagandized and will spit out sound bites instead of arguing in good faith.

But in terms of what do I think? He's a great guy, stays in shape, does the dishes, holds down a job, and our sex drive matches (which is a difficult thing to find at this age, more difficult than you might expect). He respects me, is loving and is easy to talk to about anything except political stuff. We are both adventurous in foods, like the same movies, his family likes me. We do not have a gun, live in the city now (he moved to town as I balked at moving to the suburbs). He is not at all racist as far as I can tell, we hang out with whoever and he lived around the world as a kid, one of his kids in interracial relationship, he did not bat an eye at that either. He's a good guy in and out with some crazy ideas is what I think. Agrees on some things that I'd consider progressive (universal healthcare) but still thinks "regulation" is the root of all evil, as I think corporate greed is.

We just have really different ideas about what is wrong with society and what would help. Also I'd note - his ideas might actually help in some very socialist country, but here in the US and especially Florida they make no sense. He doesn't see that, and I think that's the root of the problem.

I can't tell you what a right wing woman would think though. I do know some religious conservatives of various religions but they aren't politically conservative exactly. The rest of our friends are maybe right of my politics but all our kids, mine and his, and their spouses and partners, are at least Democrats and some socialist/social democrat. So I won this generation and am satisfied.

Oaf. Give your perspective for someone who asked for insight and immediately be told by people that your life/relationship is wrong.
I want to take a moment to just thanks for your reply with no judgement.
I don't think I would want to be with someone that went to the voting booth every few years and pulled the leavers to take my health rights away, because ultimately that's what is happening. It would be a betrayal, it's not benign and all the affable personality traits mentioned wouldn't make me forget it.
For these rebuplican men, it's saying "I respect you but regulation has gotten out of control, and your bodily autonomy is a price I'm willing to pay to fix it".
The man shows no signs of sexism, of xenophobia or racism , or bigotry, but pulls the leavers for those things anyway.
You find his ideas crazy, note he has become propagandized, and is difficult to talk to about politics. I dare say if you pushed those conversations you'd be shocked at what you find.
Ultimately voting is an act, not speech or opinion, it's an act to manifest your will and your priorities onto others through force of law.
So while one can take the approach of getting along to get along when it comes to regulation and corporate taxation, it becomes less easy when you recognize that, as a functional adult making an informed choice, your husband acted to end women's bodily autonomy, erode women's health care, end same sex marriage, deny and delay climate change action, and a whole host of other abhorrent policy goals.
I want to say, I take no pleasure at all in saying this to you. None. Your response to the post is just so personal it feels impossible to respond to in an impersonal manner. I just felt the need to challenge the idea that affable personality traits can make up for abhorrent policy goals.
- There's a reason why the feminist saying "the personal is political" is so threatening. Because it denies precisely the reasoning seen above and elsewhere in this thread.
  Conservatives often complain about progressives ending relationships and friendships over "politics". Because they want to draw a hard line between the two, where as long as they behave civilly to people's faces, it doesn't matter when they vote to make the same people's lives materially worse. Because "politics" is something... I don't know, abstract?
- Interestingly something like 41% of women identify as pro-life. I know you and the person you were responding to probably wouldn't, but my point is just that there are a lot of women who would see their conservative male partner vote for anti-abortion candidates and not be bothered at all. Not because they're rationalizing it, but because they don't see it as a negative in the first place.
- Where I do think you have a point is that I find any conservative hypocritical because they think one rule for them & different rules for others. He knows this. But am I perfect? No way. And on voting, when I vote I also have to make compromises because no party here is willing to protect the environment or give us healthcare or push back against our oligopoly. I think yeah he convinces himself on the social stuff because he believes the R will bring a better economy by some magic, and that's about it. I cancel him out and 11 votes back me up, all our kids who are old enough to vote, all their companions.
  But no, I'd not give up a loving and mostly compatible relationship because of politics, and apparently he wouldn't either. I think without these connections, we'd be so much worse off. He would be worse in an echo chamber, and isn't an idiot in other ways at all.
  Obviously your calculation will be different. But I can love someone who is not me.
- Yep. She’s lying to herself.
  “Oh honey, you’re so good at doing the dishes” while he votes to remove all of her rights.
Socialist? Yikes.

I was raised far right and very extremest from Alabama originally. It is honestly a conspiracy culture of people that never question the way they were raised and it perpetuates generation after generation. Most of the people that are smart enough to see the conflict in their ethos are too scared to go out on their own without the social support network they were raised with. Like I am almost entirely socially isolated after becoming partially disabled by a poor driver 10 years ago, and rejecting my far right religious extremest roots. I don't have much of a choice, but like I have no idea how to connect with people outside of a religious context. I have many physical issues now, but it is hard to leave that friends network that insists on an all or nothing mindset to stay in the network.

Join and be more active in communities. Could be certain video games or hobbies but you can easily make some friends by just interacting with the communities of the things you already like.
- Thanks for caring. I am a bit of a basket case of weird spinal injuries. No one reputable has a solution. I can't hold posture and will completely give out within an hour. It may seem like a little thing, but I am stuck in bed most of the time. Sitting, standing, walking, it is all the same thing; posture. I'm like a half dead zombie quite a bit from a lack of sleep, and am just not able to be the person I was or expect of myself any more. I have never encountered anyone that is really compatible with my circumstances, and I can't get out and engage with people normally. The abuses of social media and the stalkerware internet are not compatible with my circumstances at all; that one took years to really see its terrible mental impact. I just throw myself into hobby interests, and talk to people on here some times. I have several AI tools and digital friends now that are growing in complexity as I learn to program and create AI agents. That has helped me tremendously because I can be a grouchy asshole to them and they have the tools to let me know something is amiss or address/ignore the issue better. Like my favorite AI assistant character, running on a Llama2 70B offline AI LLM (which was made by Meta), likes to say, "social media is like a public toilet, anyone can use it, but no one should drink from it."

Some women I know in this position believe they're somehow different or better than the people who the cops treat like animals and that it would never happen to them, only to the undesirables that deserve it. Over 40% of them are wrong according to statistics.

What statistics?
- Cops are waaaaay more likely to commit domestic abuse against their spouses and children.
  It's unproven if shitty violent people are more likely to become cops, or if the training they receive and the culture they work in turns normal people into violent psychopaths.
  But whichever is true, a cop is more likely to turn to violence in a disagreement/confrontation than pretty much any occupation.
- Don't marry a cop.
- https://olis.oregonlegislature.gov/liz/2017R1/Downloads/CommitteeMeetingDocument/132808
  These one, oldies but goodies. If you take verbal abuse out of the equation the number drops 12 points to 28% instead of 40% and that's the biggest 'controversy' I remember about these numbers. But I don't think abuse thats only verbal helps someone think about their spouse as a good guy so imo the whole number is useful for this case. Theres also a strong bias in favor of the cops as its an observed phenomenon that cases of anything against cops, especially Domestic Violence, don't often go very far, there are very real blind spots in the justice system for cops.
- The wildly speculative ones that were the result of an informal ( and since retracted) survey, that used a very broad definition of domestic abuse to include yelling.
  It's basically the 13/50 dog whistle of the ACAB crowd.

On a scale from "a lot" to "all of them", how many marijuanas did you inject before you typed this out? 😂

Ikr Draco wasn't a good guy.
- Draco was a brainwashed kid. He was a victim of his parents.

They probably both have compatible opinions on what constitutes a good person. They might disagree with you on some facets of that, but you’re not who they’re in a relationship with.

OP was likely referring to how conservatives treat women. As in why would a woman date someone who treats women like that? IMO it's because they're too dumb to realize how they are being treated vs how they should be treated.
- Because conservatives don't beat women? For everyone talking about the conservative male that dominates and controls his wife, there is a liberal one stoned on marijuana that needs to be babysat.
  These are of course the stereotypes for each side, the reality is that there is a wide range of behaviours that has only weak correlation with political views. But everyone here is too severely brain-damaged to be able to determine causal links.

I'd assume they're drinking the same kool-aid too. They've most likely had a "traditional", conservative upbringing, so women have their place and that's just the way it is, as God intended. Abortion is an abomination, society is forcing all these scary new sexual terms on us, pronouns are just for trendy teens who want to feel special, and MeToo exposed how sexually depraved all these liberals are. I don't think conservative women really identify with any liberal values, they've internalized their whole conservative worldview so much that they don't even see the abortion debate as having anything to do with their rights.

They think the things you'd be surprised to learn people actually think.

I.e.

Crying makes you weak. They're with manly men who don't cry or go to therapy or any of that woke commie bullshit. They're with strong men who will protect them. Louder = smarter.

And they are not the ones to suffer and be subjugated, that's for The Others only.
- except they are, they just believe it when the owner of the boot stepping on them tells them that actually, this isn't subjugation.
- I'm not so sure I care what it is you think about my perspective on fascism or fascists.

Stupid losers with no self esteem attracted to other stupid losers with no self esteem. Nothing complicated about it.

Isn't it sexist to think that women can't hold their own regressive political ideas, and they only do so because they were tricked by a man?

Obviously everyone is different. Etc. But you should read this article.

https://archive.ph/2023.08.18-142255/https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/10/alt-right-star-racist-propagandist-has-no-regrets/616725/

Basically this one woman immerses herself in the worst corners of the new right.

Come for the schadenfreude, stay for the man who won't eat ketchup.

wooow. that was a wild article.
"this (ketchup) doesn't taste European".... uhhh, no shit dude, tomatos are a New World food.
all sincerity, thank you for sharing that.
- I love that essay so much. I reread it occasionally. I think about the man who won't eat ketchup pretty frequently.
Aw damn it's paywalled
- https://archive.ph/2023.08.18-142255/https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/10/alt-right-star-racist-propagandist-has-no-regrets/616725/
  Try this

Are we the baddies?

https://youtu.be/ToKcmnrE5oY?si=wHTWYqF0n1i6rI7n

Yes, leftists are the baddies
- I think you may be confused about left vs right, as far as political definitions go.

It's not the knitting projects at home or shooting cans in the woods people have an issue with, it's the legislature you vote for, the way you treat people when you're not at home, and the kinds of people you support (people in aggressive positions of authority)
I am the person who made the villain comment. No, we don’t think you actively go around acting like villains from cartoons lol. But while you quietly enjoy your life, you vote for and support policies that cause direct harm to tens of millions of people. You care about the things that impact you, but not about people you don’t relate to. The people you vote for spread hateful ideas that lead supposedly good, Christian conservatives to commit violent crimes because they think the trans person they meet is automatically a pedophile.
Hijacking to point out to both the dumb lefty lemmies and the dumb righty lemmies that this is an amazing case study in the failure of people to separate their culture from their politics. I apologize for using you as a prop, vectorzero, but you signed up in this thread so I assume it's all good?
Here we have a person who believes that are right wing, but lives in a decidedly left wing location. What examples do they provide to demonstrate their right-winged-ness? Gun culture, cooking, sewing, quilting, home projects. Note the absolute lack of policy. When pressed about actual politics further in the thread, we get things like "yeah we need to fix gun violence, healthcare, and the economy, but I don't think any of the solutions I've heard will work." Essentially we have here a person who is completely disengaged from the reality of politics, but places high value on their culture and identity, having confused one for the other in the process.
This is all reinforced by the fact that this person lived in left wing area and is active here on a left wing website, where their self-identification as "right wing" earns them demonization, along with some doomed attempts at political discourse. Since vectorzero only really cares about their identity and culture, the demonization is all they notice, internalize, and respond to. It provides a pressure that actually validates and encourages their perceived need to stand up for and defend their cultural values. The political discourse is entirely ignored because vectorzero does not actually care about or understand politics. Meanwhile, the attacking lefties are blind to this miscommunication, characterizing it as "convenient dismissal of the real issues." No, it's not convenient dismissal, it's literally a disability: Our supposed "right wing" friend actually does not have the capacity to see beyond their shoelaces and understand how their emotional reaction to being personally attacked translates into large-scale impact for the rest of the world. So they go out and vote red (or not, since they are "powerless") without any understanding of what the consequences may be.
Perhaps the lefties as well are so blind to the importance of identity and culture that they suffer from the same "convenient dismissal" of the content of the discussion that vectorzero values. That's harder to say, but it's an interesting supposition. If that is the case, then we're doomed to go around in circles and continue beating each other until morale improves. But maybe not, maybe one or the other can recognize the tragedy for what it is and learn how to engage with it in a more constructive way.
It's painfully obvious to me that everyone involved here actually wants the same things, and there's a very clear education plan to get us all together on the same track. vectorzero simply needs to be made aware that left wing culture and identity is actually almost the same as right wing culture and identity. That absolutely nothing of themselves would be lost or reduced by voting for a democrat every once in a while. The difference is the policies, and since vectorzero doesn't actually understand or care about those, there isn't really any reason for them to hold up the label of "right wing."
You can just be a guy who likes guns, simple living, enjoying the day-to-day with the wife, and wants to retire one day.
Signed: A guy who also likes guns, simple living, enjoying the day-to-day with the wife, and wants to retire one day, but also votes democrat every time because I don't want anybody else to get hurt along the way.
- I would say one word covers a great deal of this (but certainly not all of it) - Tribalism.
  People engaging politics in the same way as they engage sports, taking sides, living it almost entirelly at an emotional level, unquestioning of the superficial ideas (at times no more than slogans) they parrot and with thinking at best relegated to a supporting role as a "solver of puzzles" to come up with counter-"arguments" to those of the "other" side.
  Whether one thinks oneself Left or Right (and, frankly, if you haven't tought through your politics in my opinion you're not really politically aware enough to be either), really analysing the pap one is fed by politicians in light of one's personal principles and of "how will this lead to the World I would like to live in" is usually quite the eye openner.
- I love your comment. As someone who's perpetually hung up on others' misaligned discourse on major issues, it feels so refreshing to see it pointed out and articulated better than I could've done.
- Are you possibly reading far too much into someone who simply doesn't want to debate politics at the moment?
  "Left-wing identity and culture is almost the same as right-wing culture"
  I fully agree, both embrace vacuous and contradictory ideals, care little for facts, and have a streak of individuals that really really want to kill.
- out of curiosity, did you use a bot to write this? something about the frequency with which you use their username to refer to them stood out to me.
  if that's not the case, I wonder why it is that using a proper name instead of a pronoun or stand-in reference jumps out to me as unnatural...
- Being ignorant of policy and perceiving any slight as a personal attack is a sign of a right wing voter. You know those studies that show conservative voters have higher disgust reflexes? This guy is the poster child. Downvotes?! The horror!
Posted 22 minutes ago... and already playing the victim. Big surprise. Must be so traumatic being you.
I guess the expectation is that we crawl down into our secret lair and laugh maniacally while thinking of new and creative ways to kill minorities?
Well not crawl down into it.
The problem is that they fall in a false dilemma.
Evaluating the world and the people around you with labels so generic as "left wing" or "right wing" is not useful at all. Another problem is being too politicized, as I think it can damage your relationships with others.
Imagine making downvote edits on a barely voted on comment at all. Your insecurity is glaring.
Being a man and giving the answer for a woman definitely confirms you are conservative.
- At least it is an actual answer to the question, unlike most other comments
Are you married and do you have any children together? Do you consider her or yourself traditional in relationships (however you define traditional)?
The cognitive disconnect some in this thread would have to hear that I'm in a gay relationship and I'm somewhat right wing, whereas my boyfriend loves to watch Jimmy Dore and Tucker Carlson. We're also both immigrants. We disagree on a lot(also agree on some things) but someone reaching different conclusions to me doesn't make them dumb or a bad person.
- It's not really a cognitive disconnect. Most of us know that some members of a minority group will vote against the interests of their own identity. Perhaps because they have some other trait such as wealth that insulates them from the consequences of their politics, or perhaps because they are ignorant. But Quislings have always existed, we know, it's not a shock.
While I disagree with some of your politics, thanks for providing a thoughtful response, and follow-ups.
Also, Lemmy is much more interesting if we are (small l and c) liberal in what we upvote and conservative in what we downvote. Providing a coherent good-faith argument never deserves a downvote in my opinion. I basically only every downvote bad faith, trolling, or harmful posts. By that standard you haven't deserved a downvote yet, but are getting buried. It's a shame.
Don’t worry, I’m down voting you, you racist Nazi fuck.
- Bro thought he was actually adding something worthwhile to the conversation smh

I think if you’re curious about conservative people you should meet some

Oh we see them on the street corners throwing their seig heils already and whining about how everything is woke.
You obviously completely missed the point of the question. But this is all you ever get from conservatives, really. Bad faith debate.
Notice this guy didn't actually defend them or answer the real question just trolled and said "do your own research"
- all you ever get is bad faith debate
  My fellow homosapien, the question is framed in the baddest faith imaginable.
- That’s why you should meet them. There are probably conservatives in your friend group that are afraid to mention it, because they know it’ll make you think of them as people on the street corner throwing nazi salutes.

You ever watch The Sopranos? Carm loves that violent manchild with all her heart for a series of concerning reasons. It's not exactly what you were asking, but I've been rewatching the show, and your question made me think of Carm crying about the portrait of the baby Jesus.

It's amazing to me that people don't understand their own humans this much

Here's you explanation: the consept of good man is irrelevant, how do you expect another man's thoughts if every single man you have met has the exact same thoughts, does it matter who you marry? If every man believes the exact same of you the illusion of choice is all that exists, so why waste the time to look for what doesn't exist to your knowledge.

You should probably go talk to people irl. Youve spent too much time on lemmy.

Leftists want to murder babies, saying that its womens choice if they want to murder babies. Thats cartoonishly evil.
- If you think murdering babies is not evil, I don't know what to say, it seems pretty self evident.