Skip Navigation

memes @hexbear.net autismdragon [he/him, they/them] @hexbear.net 2 mo. ago

Think about the impact of your words and deeds

47 comments

I have never fucked a couch, but I will defend the right of fellow hexbears to fuck their couches.
- This is the true meaning of solidarity
This entire couchfucker talk reminds me again how weird it is that cishet dudes have exactly one allowed way of masturbating. Getting off inside a piece of furniture is probably the least objectionable thing this dingus ever did, it's like the Liz Truss day collar discourse all over again. Let's not even get me started on how people in politics are the absolutely last group whose sex life i want to hear about.
- Wait are there new and interesting ways that queer people masturbate? I thought the physics of the thing limited the options
  
  I would say to look up muffing, but maybe "look up" might be inadvisable. Anyway it's a non-anal way penis-havers can experience penetration. (sorry if too horny for Hexbear)
i tried that shit once when i was like 12. it was not worth the effort, didn’t even feel that much better than my hand
- Hello, volcel police?
  
  The people's VOLCEL VANGUARD are on the scene! PLEASE RESERVE YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS FOR STRATEGIC ACTS OF MASS REVOLUTIONARY CUMMING!!!
Mfs acting like they haven't dry humped a couch while furtively watching late-night mid 2000s HBO
I know a guy who really fucked a couch. He stopped because his stepdad found out and explained to him that something terrible would happen if he kept doing it.

Anyway, he's the raddest anarchist I know and the only couch fucker I respect.

Edit: I should say, he's the couch fucker I respect the most.
- What would happen? Chafing?
  
  Well if he's blowing his loads inside the couch I'd imagine it's gonna start to smell eventually.
- I may or may not have seen a number of porn vids online of guys screwing a fleshlight or object wedged between couch cushions or mattresses or pillows in my travels.
Fucking a couch is a violation of your Volcel Oath
Fucking the couch was the only vaguely human and relatable thing he hada going for him.
what about the power dynamics of fucking a couch?
I'm a hot couch guy, my couch was really hot ok?
- something like this?
Did the couch consent tho?
How does the couch not chafe, couch fuckers? Yall just have golden impenetrable penis skin dipped in the river Styx?
- Usually it's to wedge
  
  something...
  
  Cock sleeve (sorry)
  
  not me tho, no couch, no way... I've always used a purpose built mount
  
  The gentle bears choice
- I've heard (and definitely never tried this as a horny teenager left alone for the weekend) that you put a ziplock full of lotion/lube of choice between the cushions and use it as an improvised masturbation aid. I've also heard that it's more work than it's worth and much better results can be found using a couple of sponges, a few rubber bands, and the aforementioned lube filled ziploc
We love our pansexual posters!
- Hey we don't fuck couches. Only certain kitchenware
  
  Widening the hole in my pasta spoon as we speak
- I think in this case it's more divansexual.
Do not fuck couches.
v-vance kun, onegai!
No officer i neither have nor will i ever fuck a couch
lmao
People do this?

You've viewed 47 comments.