Aww man, this sounds fucking awful - but 10/10 just accepting myself. Because
a) you know what to look for when you are doing yourself dirty
b) you know what to not accept when others are doing you dirty
c) you know what to fess up over when you do others dirty
d) you can self-regulate within your own control "adulting"
e) you have sooo much less shame about existing
Second most, Adderall XR. It'll knock your ass out at the end of the day, so you're not up at 2 am snickering about something stupid or waking up feeling like some sort of cave-goblin and hating life because you stayed up to 2 am snickering about something stupid. But you gotta figure out what works for you. Also your dosage. Also, don't listen to people on Youtube. Half of them are probably shills, bots or agents of chaos and the majority of people on Youtube (as a whole) suck. They're always trying to sell you something, or be overly dramatic to entertain. But they don't act like real humans. I like weird music and long-form essays and I think without those two being on Youtube I wouldn't touch the place because I can't stand seeing videos with pictures like "WOAH! 100% QUICKER WAY TO REVERSE YOUR WHAT!?" and the person in the picture is going ٩(☉‿☉)ง!!!!
Follow what feels right to you though, you don't have to listen to me. I'm just some asshole on the internet =P
... Wait... Are sleep patterns affected by adhd also?? Is that why I have to be dead ass tired to sleep or I can't sleep? Or is that something else? I've definitely had those nights where I'm either trying to sleep and can't because I'm not quite at that level, OR I'm just not tired and I'm up until 2am and have to be up in 4 hrs.
The generic for Ritalin works wonders for me. Extended Release though, not regular or Sustained Release.
The second thing that most improved my ADHD was not trying to do anything complex or important in the evenings after focus is lost. Just let it be relaxation and gaming time so I don't need to clean up my failure in the morning.
Tbh. While Ritalin is high on this list, the single most life improving thing was to get my shit together and finally go talk to my doctor about it and get help from a psychiatrist. I begged my doctor to not just send me home and leave it up to myself to call the psychiatrist and I begged for her to force me to call back and verify I booked a time. My ADHD gives me anxiety if I break a promise so that finally did it for me by promesing to my doctor that I'll call back when I got the help. I safeguarded the hell out of the situation also with my girlfriend because I was so desperate for help and just could not get myself to do it alone. As I got started it got easier to keep going realy quickly because I got motivated, but oh boy was the beginning it all the hardest part of everything.
I sent my referral to the psychiatrist office and mostly forgot. Then I was talking to someone about looking at getting a diagnosis and went, "actually I sent a referral a couple months ago. I wonder what happened with that. I should probably follow that up",narrator: He didn't.
They called me though a couple weeks after that. But my thought on the subject was, maybe that's the first part of the diagnosis process. If you can remember you have started organising it, you're off to a bad start.
Ignore this if you're only looking for medication advice.
I simply stopped going against my ADHD. I stopped trying to achieve things that ADHD was preventing me from achieving. "Achievement/success" is completely overrated.
There's some merit in that. But I wouldn't really recommend always allowing it. Modern life requires doing some things that ADHD tries to prevent (like finishing that super important project or whatever), but if we give in to it, we can feel some repercussion (like losing our jobs).
Yeah but that's exactly what I'm saying. If you live in a country with a good social safety net and are fine with living with little money, then losing your job because you didn't finish that big project is not a problem.
I live in a country with social safety net. If I lose my job, I just live on that until I find a new one. I have a roof and warmth and food, that is enough for me.
Currently I work in a job with 20 hours a week, work from home, and flexible so I can work almost whenever I want. When I feel too bad about not having worked a while I start working, as is ADHD custom. I don't do a lot, I'm not recognized as a hard worker, I don't stand out, I just do enough.
Completely serious? Psylocibin does an amazing job of neutralizing my ADHD for a few hours. The lingering effect makes it easier to self regulate for about two weeks after a trip. It's a wonderful thing. I literally cried the first time.
It does the same to my depression. For about two weeks afterwards I just feel capable of feeling happy? Antidepressants have NEVER achieved that.
Mainly learning that I did, in fact, have ADHD, Then: medication (Vyvanse); drastically reducing or cutting weed, alcohol, and caffeine; therapy to help deal with childhood issues (which exacerbate symptoms); taking time away from work to start recovering from ADHD-driven burnout and building some structures to support my ADHD in the workplace.
Systems to externalize things. I've accepted that if I don't see something, it isn't happening, so I try to arrange and organize things in a way that it's physically out in the world for me. Digital doesn't work extremely well for me for the most part, except for some work things where it's all in one place, because digital disappears from existence when the screen turns off.
I hate it, but regular exercise, eating more healthy, and the nights where I can actually sleep are probably the biggest factors in whether I have a good day or not. Not that knowing that is enough, of course.
Oh, and just generally learning what my weaknesses are. I'm still hugely struggling with ADHD overall, but knowing the big weaknesses helps. It's not about doing what's easy, it's about facing what's hard head-on and accepting it sucks, but you have to go on.
I struggle with transitioning, so random text messages or having to sporadically decide to move from Task A to Task B is hard/impossible, so I have scheduled socializing and build in transition "rituals" like going for a walk, having lights and TV automatically turn off at set times,
I get stuck on tasks, so hard rules like "Under no circumstances can you do this after X time" are vital to live by, when you can,
I don't notice bodily needs, so practicing meditation and having regular reminders to check-in on myself help to make sure I've eaten / drank water / walked around and generally am not hurting my body with whatever weird way I'm sitting,
I'm terrible with detail-oriented work, so I have workflows specifically designed to reduce the amount of detail-oriented work I need to do,
I binge a ton of work in short periods and rest for periods, so I moved my career toward flexible scheduling to allow for this, with enough accountability to have deadlines I can't violate.
Straterra didn't do shit other than make my libido nonexistent. Ritalin has worked well for me. I know people who felt like they were in hell while on Ritalin. A lot of it is trial and error since all bodies process them differently.
I will say, there are genetic tests you can take to see which medications are tolerated well by your body. I took one and surprise surprise, I had the markers for straterra not being well tolerated. Also if you have other family members who have ADHD and are on medication it's a good idea to ask them since your genetics will be somewhat similar.
Meds. Everyone reacts to different meds differently so not all ADHD meds have the same (positive) effect for everyone. For me, Concerta works super well, but it might be something else for others.
Aside from meds, a routine works wonders. A routine with all of the day to day activities happening in the same order at roughly the same time (such as taking meds, doing the dishes, cooking, walking and feeding the dog, going to bed/getting up in the morning, etc). Or on the same day every week (such as cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc). If I need to add something to my routine it takes some time to adjust, so I preferably only add one thing at a time and other activities within my routine may get a bit chaotic for a while but as long as I stick to it it'll eventually become part of my routine.
The only downside to this is: if anything is different from my usual routine (it could be something as simple as the order of activities changing) it might mess up the routine for the rest of the day...
For me, learning to manage my life in a way that works with my ADHD. For example, if I learn I need to do something, and it's something I can do now, I get up and do it. If I don't, I'm likely to forget or put it off too long. Finding ways to build routines, like I suddenly decided I should lick my teeth when getting ready for bed, this makes me realize they are dirty, and I feel forced to brush my teeth before I can sleep. Before that I wasn't brushing every day. You have to figure out what ADHD prevents you from doing like a normal person, and plan around it.
I don't medicate right now because I have enough control to be able to function at work and my day to day life without it. But I've also had success in the past from either Vyvanse and Strattera (took them at different periods in my life)
Nothing. Nothing has worked. I am fucking exhausted trying to figure out how to work with it or strategize against it and nothing fucking works. Fuck meds, fuck therapy, fuck psychiatry, fuck all the "just meditate and find a claiming center and 'enter inane unhelpful bullshit here'". Fuck it all. Nothing. Fucking. Works. I fucking hate it.
Good luck OP. I hope you have better luck than me.
Yo, that's totally cool. Fuck meditation then, fuck all the rest of the shit. You might need to run your ass like a dog. NGL. OR! Just be an agent of chaos and own it and be fucking open with the people you're around "Hello, my name is _ and I am an agent of chaos" and then laugh maniacally and just fucking own that you make crazy shit happen. My girlfriend and I are both AuDHD and she does the craziest shit in this world. Shit that I wouldn't believe if I hadn't been around her. I fucking shit you not, I SHIT YOU NOT! I mean 10xs over I shit you not - she has just been minding her own business when shit just flies out of the sky around her. And I would never in a million years believe that shit, but I have seen it happen. And I saw it happen recently. And it's fucking insane, and it makes me realize there might be more to this world than we know. But for sure, you just be you. Cause I think my girlfriend said it best. It's better to be unmedicated and here, than medicated and one foot out the door. So please, just be aware that your way is totally valid too =)
Yeah, I get crabby and down if I dwell on it too much. So instead I bottle it up and let it fester. Surely that won't be an issue. I like your username BTW, that's awesome.
That is awful. I hope you can find relief somewhere.
I’ve been lucky and the drugs are a godsend for me, despite having the gene that makes me hyper metabolize stimulants (which basically means they don’t last long enough in my system).
It is seriously under-appreciated how awful this disorder is in the modern world - especially if you are not of the wealthier classes.
I've struggled a lot too. Nothing quite helps enough, which leaves me like progression blue-balled on tasks. What HAS helped the most is allowing myself to do multiple tasks at once. I write them down and just do what I feel like as they come around. I also made sure to find work that allows me to do this. So basically I built parts of my life around my adhd so that the walls I bounce off of are at least walls I need to hit.
This is without treating my sleep apnea, no therapy, and no medication. However, it has also meant having a very solid understanding of what I cope with and how I cope with it. Because I have depression separate from adhd, and anxiety which is fueled by both and some trauma, the single most effective thing I've ever done is take the time to truly understand each aspect.
Now I can mentally set aside my anxiety and am able to will myself to not listen to that cruel little voice. For my depression I've learned to accept it and work with it rather than fighting. With ADHD I adapted my circumstances rather than try to force the adhd to work with everything else. So far the only thing I haven't found a way to do is force myself to do tasks I don't want to do. There MUST be some reason, otherwise I'll procrastinate.
I don't expect any of this to help. I do hope some of it does, though. We all deserve to be able to look forward to the next day, if only a little.
My single biggest thing changed over time. Here comes a novel (caveat this turned out like a cheesy LinkedIn post, UGH apologies)
1st big thing - meditating.
my brain could use itself to help itself?! holy 🍴ing 👕 🥎 whaaat
lots at first, then I didn’t need as much
gave me the mindset to finally get a diagnosis
Then with that meds became the biggest
newest types were ok, too anxious tho
switched to older type of med & lower dose: cheaper & way less faff if I run out or forget
Each was the biggest at its time. & once i got them, I needed less of each. Together they got me to an ok place. But still I wasn’t waking up & looking for jobs or being great to friends & family (here comes the vomitrocious LinkedIn part) —
Whatever magic works, they got me almost there, to where I could get a big chance (job, a partner I love, etc). But there they stop, that’s all the job they can do. For me, it’s me who has to do the work now. Couldn’t have done it without them, but they can’t do it all for me 🤷♂️
OP idk what will work for you & obviously this isn’t an answer you thought you were looking for. But I know your urge to seek out something now, means there is a future you who finds it
My story is a silly LinkedIn post & sorry for that , but… it’s true: your neuro-fucking-awesome brain will always tell you what’s right. That voice won’t ever leave you, even though it’s really quiet. So: idk, just go slowly & listen to your own brain 🧠 👍🙏💪
I’m 43 and have had pretty troublesome ADHD my whole life. I was a mess of a student and failed at several careers. That said, I have found some intermittent and sometimes lasting success working in tech sales. I am still a disorganized mess. I still need meds. I take Vyvanse. What has brought some semblance of organizational presence for me is journaling. When I journal in the morning, it calms the noise and releases some of the pressure. The entries are garbage noise from my brain mixed with some formatted statements of accomplishments. Any kind of positive streak I have going gets a mention. It helps to not feel like the chaotic anxiety and noise bomb that I often can be to people.
Meds help, but they change things. Adderall makes me high and obnoxious until I crash. Concerta makes me mean and unable to transition. I worked in mental health for a long time and didn’t like what I saw happen to people with strattera, so I haven’t tried that one. Vyvanse gives me the push and focus without the hyper focus or mood crash. My emotions seem like my own. That’s why I stuck with it.
There are areas that your ADHD can thrive. You are allowed to indulge in those. You can forgive yourself for being extra weight for the people you love at times.
If your life affords you any room for it, be outside and find any way(s) to create. Cook, sing, write, play ping pong… ADHD does offer some areas of excellence along with the deficits. Lean into those whenever and however you can.
It’s still the world. It still actively hates you. We've got to get through this life somehow though.
Man I wish I had the reaction to Vyvanse you do, makes me feel the same as Ritalin did, like I have no emotions at all and was just a shell of a person. Adderall works just fine but I really wish I could find something that worked like Dexedrine did before I hit puberty. And I can’t take Wellbutrin because that makes me suicidal
Would you care to elaborate on the downsides of Strattera? I've been considering switching to Vyvanse for a while now but couldn't find a compelling reason to tell my insurance why they should support the switch (I think lisdexamphetamine is more expensive than atomoxetin).
So this is hard because I didn’t take it myself, but I worked in a mental health hospital for 12 years and saw how different meds interact with different people. What I saw somewhat consistently with strattera was a shortening of temper. Lisa so in children, but with adults, I saw people become violent over what most would consider mild disruptions to their day. When I spoke with some of the doctors I worked with, a few said that they wouldn’t ever recommend this med because their patients reported feeling angry all the time. Keep in mind, this is all just my little experience. I kinda hate taking meds, but today I take gabapentin and Vyvanse and both my adhd and anxiety are mostly pretty manageable. I still fuck up my bills and forget important things and all the stuff that comes with the loudness of ADHD. I am enjoying my life though and I’m able to keep to most of my healthy routines.
Meds. Tried a bunch before I found what worked for me. Stimulant side effects and efficacy and availability lessened over time. Straterra did not work for me. Guanfacine is going well.
At first, my anxieties became present to me, so I could work on them. Weed makes me think about my life, about things that bother me deep inside. It made me do further investigations. I had (to a point still have) to reprocess my life. It turned out, I'm traumatized because of people constantly refusing or bullying me in my past, because I never fitted in. And I had no clue, why.
I used to keep distance to people and be a loner, until recently. Weed broke up some of these habits. I got my feelings back, after I used to refuse showing any emotion.
I also learned, I have issues listening. I often changed my mind spontaneously without noticing - now I do notice and I learned to self-regulate better. I also didn't know noise (the overwhelm of too many sounds or voices) overloads my senses, and that's what triggers my aggressive behaviour or let me run away sometimes.
Since I started smoking, I do easier meet people who understand me. That's also when someone at a party suggested I look 100% like having ADHD and I should do the test.
I also noticed another effect when microdosing at work: It helps me focus and it temporarily brings back the energy when being exhausted from work. (This depends on the strain, of course. Amnesia or White Widow work great here). However, this comes with the risk of burning myself out, so I do it only when necessary.
With weed its not straight forward, because many diff strains produce diff outcomes, some can make ur ADHD worse, others better.
But buying it on the street will not give reproducible results.
DIAGNOSIS. Just understanding why my brain did what it did helped at least curb some of the worse negative feelings and thoughts, and got those around me to better understand and help
Mushrooms. Mixed with therapy and diagnosis these are a really good way to completely re-attune yourself after years of not understanding or having control. Do them responsibly with someone you can trust if it's your first time
Meds. Adderall was the first I tried and it really works well for me. Basically restores my ability to control my thoughts to some degree. The rest of fixing me is on me, these just enable it at all
Not just blindly doing them, like I said they open you up and help get over hurdles that otherwise make the journey almost impossible (at least for me)
Read up and have a guide ready for yourself, ideally someone else to help you out with it, someone you can trust and be unbelievably vulnerable in front of
Micro dosing can also just help if you're not on meds. Not a perfect replacement imo but it DID help
Swimming, I don't know why it works or how it works. Regular swimming stimulates me, even though 100 things don't go well in a day one small thing of swimming somehow works
agree & to an extent, when I was first starting this it was weed that helped melt some wall in my brain that was keeping me from seeing even THAT I was v different from other people
Later on tho, weed became bad for me. Irritable, always SO tired, caffeine totally stopped working. Total fckg drag. Used to be fun but now it’s not at all worth it
Adderall. There are, of course, some trade-offs. Having gone so many years without any kind of medication, though, it's a night and day difference.
I feel like my memory recall is so, so much better with it. When I'm off meds, I often find myself in a mental fog, struggling to remember details spoken to me moments ago. It's like I'm constantly trying to hold onto a thought, as it's rapidly slipping out of my grasp.
I still have to rely on the productivity methods that work for me. I obsessively take notes and make lists, because I would be totally lost without either. I'm slowly making lifestyle changes that are helping me overcome almost 20 years of clutter.
I take focalin and it's the only medicine that has worked for my ADHD.
As for non-medicinal things, I started volunteering recently and my goodness has it helped. I water and groom horses at a stables and it leaves my brain and body refreshed for days after.
Just accepting that it was really affecting my life. After that I went and got therapy and meds. Really helped me learn how to handle myself. I'm a better person because of it.
Something I did wrong for many years, decades even, was to focus exclusively on trying to improve the areas where I struggle compared to normies. I always felt bad because I found it so hard to do simple things that were easy for most people.
Gradually, I realized there are things I can do that the normies can’t. So instead of constantly trying to redeem myself by improving the things I suck at, I focus on those things I’m really good at.
For example, if I do a job that is all delivery, where I’m just executing rote tasks that someone else has defined, I’ll struggle. If I do a job that is strategic and/or creative and involves very little rote delivery, I’ll excel.
The problem was that school is mostly rote delivery according to a fixed schedule, and early-career jobs tend to be the same. I really struggled during those times of my life. But once I got to the point where I could get more creative/strategic work, the way my brain works finally became an asset rather than a liability.
Remedies don't do anything for me, so instead, I try to change my behaviors and mindset. It's hard since it's a tug of war against myself, but I think I am getting better. And as the saying goes, to solve a problem, first the person needs to know he/she has a problem, so I try to keep an eye for potential issues I may have.