No, there's nothing inherently pathetic about "virginity" (which is a sus concept). No one's worth is determined by their sex life, whatever it is. It can certainly make someone feel pathetic to not get the connection with other people they're looking for, though, and I'm sorry if that's what you're dealing with.
I'm pretty sure this is just
the virgin post on r/cth
Please stop making fun of people for being Virgins. It's tough because I'm a leftist, I love this sub, and I work hard to be a good person and practice good praxis, but I'm also 28 and a virgin. Watching Y'all make fun of people for being virgins or calling people virgins really hurts.
Posting here on an alt because my normal username can be linked to me in real life, but I post here daily. Most of you have probably upvoted my posts at one point or another. But yeah, I'm old, and I'm a virgin, and while it doesn't bother me much anymore, it's really bad praxis to call people virgins as an insult or to make fun of them for being virgins. Incels are bad not because they are virgins but because they just blame women for their cause. Make fun of them for their shitty beliefs, not because they are virgins.
I think for a lot of us we still hold on to the capitalist idea of success that has been handed to us. That we need to have money and a job and a partner and kids and all that to be seen as good. And that's not possible for a lot of us. I know that's not possible for me I've been unemployed for years at this point. So we make fun of them for believing in the system but still not having it. I think it's right when people point out here that the things a lot of the alt-right are mad about are rightful things to be mad about. It's just that they then blame them on the (((globalists))) and muslims and immigrants and SJWs when really it's capitalism and actual rich people.
But seriously, that's all I have to say. Please think before using virgin as an insult. It's just a state of being, that of having not had sex, and every single one of you were a virgin at some point in time. Thanks for reading. I love all y'all anyway.
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No, but basing your self esteem around how much sex you've had is a harmful social default
When I lost my virginity, the first and most powerful epiphany from that experience, right after the afterglow wore off, was the following:
"All right, now what?"
It feels like a big deal until you have sex. Then it's just a lot of pent up expectations and frustration left behind and you just continue with what you were already doing.
Don't let anyone bully you into feeling "pathetic" or whatever because of their own preoccupation with a score card.
Look at "RooshV." He's BAAANGED (in most cases, coercively or violently) scores of women and he's a pathetic loser that no one, not even nazis, wants to hang out with.
No. It's statistically unusual. It may be the result of difficulty socializing. But it's not in itself pathetic. If that's something you want to change, there are ways to go about it. It's certainly not easy to subject yourself to the horror of intimacy, but I think facing that difficulty head on with clear vision instead of pretending that it's actually easy and there's something inherently wrong with you is a good place to start.
Nah, shit happens when it happens. It's bad for your mental health to pin your worth to something that requires another person's participation, because you wind up getting down on yourself for other people's actions that you can't control. Instead, if it's important to you that you try, then continuing to try should be the goal.
Sex is kinda overrated, or at least put on this stupid pedestal above other things. Easy to say if you've had sex though I suppose?
It's far from pathetic to have not had sex though tbh. Equally, don't place too much/any value in virginity or abstinence either, but like, ehh?
tldr no it's not pathetic, but worrying too much over it might be at a certain point
No.
What you have done or not done with your dick does not matter.
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AMAB and also late 20s bloomer - no, not at all. My first time only solidified my suspicion that I was probably ace, but even so I empathize with the anxiety and self-esteem issues that come with the territory. Not feeling wanted or desired feels bad, and I wouldn't look down on that (unless it's accompanied by reactionary baggage).
Did you listen to that cumtown episode or something?
Virginity is not something to be ashamed at, just don't make it a toxic identity or obsession, as with any form of malicious self-pity, it hurts you and others around you.
Having inadequate experience with romantic relationships does become an issue when you reach that age of late 20s/early 30s, as people do get suspicious or averse to committing themselves to a relationship with people who have not been in a committed relationship by the time they're 30 or older.
Not because of sexual inadequacy but because of a lack of experience with emotional intimacy and emotional reciprocity.
It just means you're taking things at your own pace.
Sex isn't transformational
Don't get too hung up on it but don't go advertising it either. The right person won't care anyway, and will make you feel comfortable enough that you can be honest.
No. Next question.
Absolutely not, sex and sexuality is complicated and hard for a lot of us. It has no weight on your value as the wonderful person I’m sure you are
It's odd and loneliness is a cause for concern whatever your past history, but I think it's absurd to consider it "pathetic".
Making it your self-identity definitely is, though
Hard no. You know what is pathetic? Dudes trying to hook up with everything that moves in order to ameliorate their fragile egos. You're a positively a chad dude and I'd be proud to list you as a friend.
nope!
Nah. And lots of people are having sex later and later in life these days for a variety of reasons (mostly economic problems and social alienation but still). And regardless, sex isn't a defining life altering event for most people.
No.
No dude, no don't worry about it
no
Nope. Sometimes it takes a while to find a person or situation in which you're comfortable.
Nah
No
absolutely not
Nope
No. Just be who you are, genuinely, and interact in spaces where people accept you for who you genuinely are. Beyond that it'll happen. That's it basically. That's easier said than done but that's the trick. Be you in spaces that are comfortable for you and comfortable with you.
No, society's expectations are designed to make us feel bad. If you didn't feel pathetic for this it would be something else. The feeling of being pathetic is the feeling of exploitation and oppression.
I have friends who, if they ever had sex, noone knows about it. And they're doing great.
I used to be really promiscuous and honestly there's nothing to it. People who wanna fuck are gonna find people who wanna fuck, and fuck. All different people, doesn't matter what they look like or act like. That doesn't make me happy. Maybe it makes some people happy, but if it does, I haven't seen it.
Every time I got into a sexual relationship it was like 6 months of obsessing, and then 3 months to get over it once it was over. I could have saved myself the pain and saved the money I spent on bar tabs, read books, hung out with friends, or even just smoked a mountain of weed and passed out. Any and all of those options would have been much better than going out 5-6 nights per week. That was pathetic.
There's all different kinds of people in the world who feel different needs at different intensities. Be yourself and play to your strengths. It will bring more happiness over time than the occasional empty fuck.
Not anti-sex at all, just demonstrating a viewpoint.
No, a bit cringe to care about it at all tbh, but it’s not your fault you were made to feel/think this way about it
Nah bro, and while I'm a firm believer in the fact that women owe us nothing and can do as they please - judging by the men alot of women are with, it might not be such a bad thing you aren't like them.
I'm not a virgin and would say I had a fairly successful sex life for my status/looks/whatever before I was in a relationship for a decade, but the ""market"" forces have certainly changed winds since I was single last. Maybe I'm just getting old, Idk. 😂
it's not, but as someone who wasn't that far off from you, it sounds like the social anxiety i had for a while, so it might be good to find out why. Might learn something about yourself. But it can just be luck too, or geography. Honestly if OKCupid hadnt existed i'd probably still have only had sex about 4 times.
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Nope.
Nah
Nah, similar boat. Having people around - particularly in any intimate capacity - makes me excessively self-conscious.
Nope!
Nope! Just don't be a 28 year old male virgin who is also pathetic. Worrying about it too much would be pathetic.
The first time I had sex I remember thinking that if that was all we were doing and I didn't like the person otherwise, it would have been hard to convince me to do it again instead of going to play Smash Bros with my friends. It almost makes me wonder if I'm ace in some flavor.
It wouldn't be my place to judge you for it. If late 20s virginity were indicative of some interpersonal transgression (woman hater, bad hygiene, abhorrent social skills) then it might be a signpost that points towards something pathetic about you. But if you're someone I like spending time around, then the number of sexual partners you have had is just noise. I don't think you'll ever believe it's not a big deal until you lose your innocence, so it's not like I'm telling you not to endeavor if that's what your motivational calculus is telling you. So if it all falls on deaf ears, it's not like you're going to have a bad time talking to people you find attractive and fuckin. If might just be part of your development.
No, upholding the volcel pledge is based.
I'm asexual and aromantic, so I might be a bit biased though.
Only if you make it apparent.
I don't think so, but what matters is how you feel, and I hope that all these negative answers don't make you feel like the loneliness and isolation you're experiencing are invalid. I know all too well how impossible it is for people who haven't experienced it to relate.
Lost mine around age 11 with a peer the same age. Most of the time I didn't even count it as real since I was so young. Was one of those sorta foundational parts to realizing I was trans when I wanted to be the girl during it.
I've had some casual hookups over the years with strangers but not had a proper relationship because I'm bad at selling myself. I sorta felt the same way regarding relationships a few years ago that I'm pathetic for not having had one, but then I thought about it, looked at the options there were and sorta just made my peace with it all. I'm not going to wade into dating apps, if I want a relationship one day I'll let it happen, but for now I've found happiness being alone.
No but I understand feeling like that.
Absolutely not
Its brutal and loneliness can bring suffering, but its not pathetic. In your opinion, why would it be pathetic?
no, not at all. sex is nice but it's far from the end all be all of life
No. Honestly, it makes you wonder if this trend of shaming those who have not engaged in intercourse is a ploy to serve the interest of getting working class people trapped in parenthood they didn't want and can't afford.
An obvious side effect of this is being less willing to engage in praxis and take risks, because now you have more to lose. It can, in many cases, serve to de-radicalize leftists.
No it's not. Caring about other people being virgins is the pathetic thing.
While not being pathetic it still really sucks. I really hope your situation will change to the better soon.
No, but I wish you wouldn't just call me out like this. 😠
No
Of course not. I'm sorry this is how it is for you, I'm not a virgin but I understand not being able to easily find a person to be intimate with, especially when you see your peers having a much easier time with it, it definitely sucks.
As per usual, death to the patriarchy, capitalism and the US. Hope things turn around for you.
Nope.
Naw it's fine. Sometimes finding the right person to be intimate with is a challenge. There's a lot of trust involved. Just be a considerate and communicative lover when it finally happens and they'll probably ask for another go round some other night. Fun for everyone!
Nah, but if it bothers you now is a good time to reassess stuff. If you are posting on hexbear you are probably some kind of maladjusted like the rest of us. How you doing? Everything else going okay? You got a social network around you of people you can talk to about stuff? Education and employment going okay? Cause realistically you are about two weeks of going about the internet from getting it sorted if you really want, but is that what you want or is it that you just don't wanna have the pressure over you?
ahyuck hyuck