Men, are you physically affectionate with other male friends? (eg, hugging, snuggling, playful wrestling, etc). If you aren't, do you wish it was more socially acceptable if it isn't in your culture?
Men, are you physically affectionate with other male friends? (eg, hugging, snuggling, playful wrestling, etc). If you aren't, do you wish it was more socially acceptable if it isn't in your culture?
I haven't had anything beyond a hug from my mother in 10 years.
A boss of mine some time ago would sneak up and pat me on the back, scaring me most of the time. Back then I hated it.
These days something like that would make my whole week.
We very much are, hugs and kisses and all. But waaay more important (not everybody is into physical affection on a platonic level) we share our feelings and give each other compliments.
It is very sad to see how many men outside our bubble try to uphold this stupid idea of what it needs to be a man, while struggling with their mental health and the ability to have meaningful relationships.
No, I'm not.
As for social acceptance I like my personal space. Don't care what you do as long as I can opt out.
buddy I'm a furry I'll hug strangers
The guys I go to tantra classes with are very affectionate, and it's so lovely.
A little bit more than I was before. These days I will put an arm around or touch a friend on the shoulder or back to show support. I do this with my father too.
My men’s group helped me learn to do this. It’s really nice.
There are men who haven’t touched another human being in years.
Sorta. I'm a comfortable person expressing affection and my inner emotions with friends. I'm also often the one initiating the sharing asking how they are etc, and the physical touch. It's nearly always me initiating, so I'm kinda uncertain how it is in the other person's head. Obv not bad enough to recoil or ask me to stop, but maybe they're just a bit uncomfortable.
Yes. I want it more. I look at relationships among women where that level of physical affection is part of the connection and reinforces it and I want that. I only really have that with my wife and one close friend, who is a woman.
Nope and yes. I would not personally, but more freedom = good in my book
lol
Wait, so you all are telling me that you don't kiss the homies goodnight?
Hugging, definitely.
Snuggling, maybe? Like maybe we both fell asleep in the back of a van and ended up snuggling a bit and when we woke up we're not weirded out by it.
Wrestling, maybe, but it would probably be with kids or pets around. I can't remember doing it but I wouldn't be weirded out by it.
It wasn't always this way though. I was raised southern Baptist. Becoming OK with male physical interactions and homosexuality was a journey, and I am much happier with how accepting I am now than when I said I was as a Christian who had this low-key hypocritical "I know the truth of god and accept everybody" while also looking down on sinners.
I have a gay friend who came to visit me and we went around the city and to a house party and had a great time and then fell asleep in the beach. The next day he said "that was one of the best dates I've ever been on" and it caught me off guard because I was just "hanging out", but if it had been a girl, it would have been a great date, and I thought "ok, sure, it was a 'date' with a guy friend and that's ok." It was a big step for me.
I dislike touching people or being touched. Not that I have a phobia is suffer from, I just don't like it and try to avoid it when possible. So no, I am not physically affectionate with other friends (male or female alike).
Before there was a pandemic, touching people for welcome or goodbye was common (i.e "shaking hands"). But fortunately this is no longer the case. There are still some disrespectful and non-considerate persons around who want to touch you just to say hello, but they're in the minority.
No I'm not.
And honestly I'd say no I wouldn't want it to be.
I have friends I will happily hug if we've been apart for a while.
Snuggling definitely sets off some kind of panic reaction in me however. Also, when unknown guys get too close, fight or flight immediately kicks in.
I'm sure there is nothing to unpack there.. nothing at all
Hug long term friends if not seen for a while or if any of us need a hug.
Wrestling and snuggling, erm nope.
Me and my homies always put kisses on texts and have for a decade at least. We will tell each other we love each other too.
I'm not physically affectionate with anyone. I hate to be touched, especially by men.
Hugging, definitely. No playful wrestling since high school, and what there was there was definitely more motivated by competition and testosterone than affection.
As for snuggling, I wouldn't want to snuggle with anyone that I didn't have at least some sexual attraction to, unless I was in serious emotional distress and just needed it for the reversion to childhood. So I don't snuggle with guys. I don't know of many straight women who snuggle with their platonic friends either, beyond like sharing a blanket for a movie.
I am bisexual and somewhat poly. With some of my friends I have a more publicly physical/intimate relationship. We may hold hands, hug, or kiss. In private, we cuddle and... do other things as well. I imagine the straights of Lemmy will largely tell you they don't cuddle their male friends while the queer folk will give a different answer.
I (from the US) visited my cousins in Italy, and as we were driving around, my cousin and his best friend were joking back and forth in Italian, and it ended with him just kissing his friend on the cheek out of nowhere. It was very cute and entirely non sexual lol. Got a kick out of it since i don't really see that at all in the US.
I hug my friends. I don’t want to snuggle with them.
I hug my guy friends when I haven't seen them in a while (e.g. my friends who live far away). Snuggling is super weird, and I don't know of any guys who have done that. Feels like if I did, my wife would not be very happy. Affectionate fighting seems just over the top. Seems like something limited to children and movies.
I think the amount of physical affection I get from other men is fine. Don't really need more
Snuggling? Uh, that's a hard no. I can't imagine that. I'd be extremely uncomfortable.
Hugging? Yup, lots of hugging in my friends and family.
I don't wish for more physical affection among males, seems good as is.
Eons ago, in my twenties, some friends and I had a party. There were a lot of people there, so it was pretty crowded in the couch.
A friend of mine arrived, and he was having trouble finding a place to sit, so I sat back and told him half as a joke "You always have a seat in my lap". He took me up on the offer.
After a while of him sitting there, both of us enjoying the spectacle around the table, one of us (I don't remember who) said:
"This was surprisingly pleasant"
We're both straight dudes.No & no.
I started going to raves shortly after high school in the late 90s. The culture is all about love. I hug all of my friends (male or female) when I see them. I tell them as often as possible that I love them too.
I'm not no. I'd give my buddies a hug if I haven't seen them in a while, but that's really it. I think it should be more socially acceptable but I don't personally feel like anything is missing from my own relationship with them. It's fine for me how it is.
Somewhat. Hugging yes, snuggling no, playful wrestling when certain friends are particularly drunk.
Yes, I do wish it was more socially acceptable
Frodo and Sam should be fucking role models, especially the book versions who were even more deeply close than the films.
I mean, honestly, for fantasy, the entire Lord of the Rings series is replete with strong men expressing emotion in healthy ways to deal with the horrors of what they were facing. They sing deeply loving songs for fallen comrades, notably Boromir even after he makes a grave mistake, already forgiven, while giving him the best of funerals they can (In their song for Boromir, Aragorn even calls Boromir beautiful[^1]). They cry for one another and feel great distress at the suffering of those in their fellowship. They carry each others' burdens up to Sam literally carrying Frodo up Mount Doom. Anyway, they weren't unwilling to show physical affection or speak highly of another's beauty.
[^1]: "His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest," In every context of Toklein using the word "fair" in LOTR, it has been taken to mean "beautiful."
No, I don't have close friends. I prefer not to touch or be touched anyway, particularly by other men.
I don't mind if it became more socially acceptable, probably would be healthier overall. As long as it's also acceptable to be able to request no touching.
I'm becoming more comfortable with shoulder pats n shit, hugs too. Wrestling isn't my jam anymore. Gimme a dagorhir sword, or some other foam sword and let's have a no-holds-barred swashbuckle.
I really like personal space. I hug my family because we're close and we hug, and I'll hug my closer dawgs if they need it, but most of the time I want people to respect my personal space.
Usually hugging for saying hi or bye, just like with women.
Beyond that, not really? But then I'm not a very physically affectionate person with anyone, independent of gender. Except Pepper - my cat.
I do more than playfully wrestle with my friends. As I do BJJ. I actively try to choke them out or try to break their limbs or try to tear their ligaments apart. It's very fun for all. Though while it's open to anyone I do get most people wouldn't enjoy it. It's personally physical to the extreme since on top of the close physical contact you're also sweating all over each other to the point sweat dripping in your eyes or mouth will statistically happen at least once.
Honestly if you feel like you miss playful fighting with friends, do a trial class of it.
I was just watching Love Island (don’t judge) and noticed two of the guys who are very good friends were sitting with their legs sort of crossed together. Like the way girls who are close friends would. It stuck out because you don’t really see that much but I was like hey that’s pretty cool, kinda more masculine (at least from my girl perspective) than guys that are all afraid to touch each other
Local culture is not touchy feely, but we have no problem being naked around strangers in sauna/spa environment.
I have hooked up with several of my friends, we cuddle often, and are not afraid so show affection, but we're all homos so I guess that's less odd. But I have met straight guys who are very confortable being platonically affectionate with us. I feel like society prevents me from being touchy out of fear of being called gay. It's not gay to lay your head on your bro's lap. Those thick tights are comfy af.
I’m not very physically affectionate with anyone anymore and I don’t know why, but I used to be very affectionate. Now, like, when I want to hug someone, throw my arm around them, or… anything, I freeze up and internally panic unless I know the person pretty well and they invite the contact first.
With that said, meh. I don’t care if it’s a man. I don’t enjoy wrestling, but other forms of affection or physical contact are fine. I have no sexual interest in men, so I guess I don’t even think about it that way.
In my culture, it is almost weird for men to have feelings. Everybody knows that men aren't emotionless machines, but they sometimes forget that. So you can guess that hugging a man as a man is somewhat weird. Before COVID, it was common to give handshakes; after that, pretty much every interaction stopped. Yes, I would really wish that it became more socially accepted. Because I think, When everybody interacts on a physical level, people will be less tense and more relaxed.
Edit: Well I need to correct myself, I think it is not really a social problem, but it rather is a me problem. I'm not very comfortable with touching somebody so it could be that I've been ignoring those interactions for years.
You guys have friends?
I don't do that with anybody, normally. People of all genders will sometimes give you a hug here if it's been a while or if they're happy to see you. Cheek kissing is mostly a women thing, though.
Nope. Can't say I've ever 'snuggled' with the boys. The rest... maybe in the context of team sports at some point in life, but there were many layers of machismo layered on top of it.
I think in general there was a sense of camaraderie and sensitivity that those friendships had, which may be surprising from the outside given they had all the trappings of toxic masculinity.
I miss that aspect, but I'd rather not have a physically affectionate relationship with my friends now. A hug when we meet is the limit. Wrestling as a grown adult would be the last thing I'd participate in. I would probably end a friendship if someone tried to grapple with me unprompted
No and no,
Im one of those bookish introvert types and im old so I have learned to handle more interaction but no I don't want more being socially acceptable. Im still ackward when my sisters hug me. Heck even a bit with my wife but its a good ackward.
Hugging as a hi and bye, yes. It is okay in my country.
I like hugs... I am ok and like a good hug from anyone. I am just scared to initiate. Hate snuggling or wrestling. Feels weird.
Generally no, probably because many males when they end up in physicality make it some kind of dominance thing (playfully violence that's just a little too much, "higher position" touches like hand on top of shoulder or physically leading other people and even the good old "measuring somebody one the firmeness of their handshake"). It's not casual and friendly when there's measuring and testing of others involved.
Outside close family, the only environment I've been in were things like hugs were normal was the Theatre world.
Bloody oath! My brothers and my closest mates all get hugs, and my near 18yo stepson and I still hug goodbye or goodnight too.
I hug some good friends after a long absence or family members the same. Never snuggling or wrestling, lol.
Heck yeah. Mind you, I respect other people's contact preferences and don't push a hug on anyone. Made that mistake some in my younger days, but realized it was shitty behavior eventually.
But I hug the hell out of anyone I care about enough to call friend or family. I'm a hugger, that's just how I am.
I got lucky tbh. My dad wasn't particularly huggy, but he always welcomed us kids when we hugged him. And I had one uncle that was never a hugger, and would avoid them when he could. But otherwise, the men in my life growing up were comfortable with demonstrative affection. Hugs, putting an arm around you, pats on the back, gentle pats on the head, just those little touches that say "I love you" in a way that doesn't need words because they're done without thinking, they just reach out and that connection happens.
Oh! And kisses on the top of the head. Big thing on my mom's side for the men to kiss kids on the top of the head.
My dad was more of the sort to put an arm around you when you sat beside him, but he knew the power of a hug when someone is upset and never hesitated to do so, despite not really liking hugs much. And he was definitely a patter lol. Pats on the head, on the back, just affection by touch.
So, by the time I was a teenager, I was without much of a barrier to hugs. Never got indoctrinated with the stiffness and emotional distance that comes with that barrier. My friend group in high school, we hugged every damn day, usually multiple times a day. We'd meet in the library of a morning and as each of us rolles in, a round of hugs would happen. We'd freely express love for each other verbally too. And not even in the forced jocular "love ya bro" way that started being more acceptable back then. But full on "I love you, I'll see you tomorrow" type goodbyes.
Shit, some of us would hug our teachers, when they'd let us. Obviously, most of them would not allow it, but there were a couple that didn't mind. Gods! The principal! Old guy, retired at the end of my senior year. Handing out diplomas at graduation, and shaking hands. Every one of our group just took the diploma and hugged the guy. He was shocked by it, but he knew how we were, and ended up just smiling for the rest of the ceremony. After the first few of us did it, other students not in our group did it too. He was a superb principal, and was sorely missed.
Imo, there is nothing that builds and maintains healthy relationships like regular hugging.
This is already long, but you mentioned other forms of contact. Snuggling depends on the person, but I gladly snuggle with friends if they're down for it. Can't play wrestle what with my age and bad back, but used to.
And I'm down with cheek kisses with friends too. Hell, I don't even object to non sexual lip kisses in theory, though it isn't a thing that happens very often. Only times it ever happened with male friends was in moments of distraction when saying goodbyes in a group that included spouses lol.
With some, yea. Most are uncomfortable but I have a handful of dear friends who are okay with it, even find safety in it I believe. That's certainly my takeaway
Sure, if we're close.
Hugging is cool. I'm not wanting beyond that from my male friends.
I am a boomer.
A hug is a standard greeting between well-acquainted men in Sweden, so yeah. I hug my friends and family.
Yes. Absolutely. I'm the relatively rare hyper-social under-stimulated autistic type, in a friend group of people that aren't into close contact and frequent interaction. It's incredibly frustrating, but I'm distrusting of new people, and, ultimately, they've always been there for me. Despite my :3ness.
I had a smaller group that was into it for a little while, but that time has passed. Very, very passed. We don't talk about that.
An occasional hug if we are drunk enough, and I don't want anything more than that.
I will reciprocate hugs.
I don't like snuggling.
Playful wrestling gets really close to other acts to establish dominance that I don't want to do with my friends.
Yes. And yes.
No, I don't usually go physically affectionate with them, male, female, or whatever. I reserve that to close family; unless there is some special situation of course, like loss, or celebration, or something.
And honestly, I don't miss it at all. I get enough affection at home.
Hugging, yeah. My joints(knees, shoulders, back) are too fucked for what play wrestling is between guys, I forget that when I see my brother after a while but I get reminded right quick. No snuggling, but I'm also not usually on a couch when we hang, still probably not.
Nope. Too likely they're either a toxic two steps from blatant homophobia, or an actual incel these days. I kinda wish it was more socially acceptable, but at the same time? A lot of these dudes make me regret/resent the gender I was born as.
Occasionally get rowdy with some light punching, has devolved into some wrestling until someone's hurt. Happens less as we have gotten older and we don't bounce up off the floor and shake it off like we used to. Hugs with other guys are limited to a friend's uncle and his husband.
I wish it were more acceptable, but personally I'd just rather not be touched by anyone.
Hugging and play fighting, sure, but can't say I've snuggled with the lads (or girl friends either for that matter) - feels more intimate, like something you'd do with a loved one (or a pet).
Drunk me might lean a bit more towards leaning or pushing against the lads, but that's always playful and jokesy rather than sincere as your post implies
Yup, it depends on the person but at least in my life many male friends are physically affectionate. Admittedly some of these are affectionate via general sparring, which started in our teens and never went away.
Oh sure. Not all of them, certainly, but a good number of friends and I will hug to say hello/goodbye. Some of those guys prefer the handshake-bro-hug variety, others go in for the full bear hug. A handful of them, my oldest friends, are comfortable with cuddling, snuggling, or other non-hug physical contact so that'll happen on the occasions we get to see each other.
No and no. Good handshake and quick 1 handed hug is all I want.
While I don't really care if it's socially acceptable or not I found it far too awkward to hug other people for the longest time, even close friends. I have opened up to it more in the last few years but I still don't just hug someone without asking their consent first.
If I like someone, hugging them just feels great.
I'm glad yall have good people in your life. Every single person in my life is a liability.
Just another person to fuck you over. Just another obligation to be maintained. Just another human.
Hugging friends -- yes and easy. Snuggling -- never. And this doesn't apply only to men, it applies to women whom I don't find attractive as well.
Physical affection from someone I don't find attractive is super akward. Now I'm a cis straight male, so this principle applies to essentially all men.
P.S. OP, if you like more actual physical affection from your male friends, it's maybe just time to come out of the closet. This is lemmy, nobody is really straight around here anyways
Hugging ✅
Snuggling - Not really a problem
Playful wrestling - Guaranteed the guy who instigated it is in the closet, same with most people who watch actual wrestling
No. The hug men do is not affectionate but a greeting after a long time, comfort for bad times, or a congrats
@Wahots
I wish it was more acceptable (except snuggling, that's a bit much too intimate)“I’m not, and also I don’t want it to be socially acceptable” gives massive “it’s okay to be gay as long as you don’t do it in public” energy.
Yeah I hug my friends most times we see each other and fight them very rarely. Most of my friends and me do not want to be cuddled but there's always that one friend who tries to be as gay as humanly possible and eventually you just accept that he's going to invade your space and be gay. For my tier 1 friends social stigma does not exist. For tier 2 it exists but can be broken and for tier 3 every interaction exists firmly within the socially acceptable boundaries and I would be extremely uncomfortable if one of them hugged or hit me with some gayshit.