Elections over, they're completely washed

"the elon musk of squirrels" is such a terminally online thing to say. imagine having the power and influence that jd vance has and still being addicted to twitter or w/e. beyond pathetic

Death to America

The squirrel shit really does have a deathrattle feel to it

Goddamn this election has been watching the Washington Generals playing the Washington Generals

This should've been the easiest election ever. For both sides.

jesse-wtf

Permanently Deleted

It’s pure brainrot. The right are the brainrot ideology, the internet is their entire personality.

Can’t wait until Ben Shapiro runs in 2028 and brags about his skibidi rizz.
- Permanently Deleted

On a serious note, police shoot approximately 25 pet dogs every day and it's nice that the rabid cop party (the other is also a cop party but isn't rabid) is grieving this one particular squirrel.

i have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore

Mr animal control, sir, elon musk bit me.

Oh no, he's gonna have to go into the rabies blender now :((((

Does he really use eye shadow because it looks like he does.

it's fuckin gotta be, I've got a similar heavy brow and eyelids and they don't shade the corners like that at all
- Yeah, chuds deflect by saying it's his eyelids, but it's got to be guyliner.
- Idk, I looked at it a little while ago and I think it's genuinely just a heavy brow + thick eyelashes
  
  https://hexbear.net/comment/5394397

No P'nut November is the October Surprise that is hyper gooning the electorate!

matt-grillin

What the fuck did I miss?

some guy had a pet squirrel, was posting about it to get famous on instagram, the state found out and the squirrel was put down.

Another great example as to why, if you're breaking the law, don't post about it online, no matter how silly or unenforced the law is. Not that I break the law.
- what does this have to do with trump...
- i give money to panhandlers!

Peanut, Peanut, oh Peanut, we loved you so much! [crowd cheers] Yes we did, yes we did! Ah, it's a shame what they did to him. Killed him for being MAGA, can you believe it? [crowd boos] The lyin' cheatin' democrats killed a patriotic squirrel for voting for me. But we're going to get even [crowd cheers] oh yes we are! Oh yes we are! I have 2,000 heavily trained squirrels in garbage bags marching onto DC as we speak. Crooked Joe won't be able to deal with that, you know, he's so crooked and he hates critters unlike me I love them, I love them dearly a-little-trolling

Please consider helping out two comrades in Palestine! 🇵🇸

Please help Aya in Gaza ❤️ 🇵🇸 https://gofund.me/1222af19

Please help Mahmoud from Gaza ❤️ 🇵🇸 https://gofund.me/5156f6e9

ugh i read it in his voice, but also the guy from QAA doing his impression of it.

very good the cadence is just right

Remember, if they did intervene, the line would be that Democrats are are soft on policing

peanut is dead??? what the fuck...

two shots to the back of the head, body found dumped in a suitcase

couldn't take the heat
- wow. i didn’t know that. i just — you’re telling me now for the first time...
  he led an amazing life. what else can you say? he was an amazing squirrel. whether you store acorns or not, he was an amazing critter who led an amazing life. i’m actually saddened to hear that. i am saddened to hear that.

Is that real? I'm completely clueless about that squirrel story.

Same, just started seeing it when i woke up today

Isn't the owner an OF model? Doesn't that mean they should be for the squirrel being murdered? I think they're getting their wires crossed.

Also, I hate that I now know about this

Isn't the owner an OF model?

Yeap. I had a look at the Wikipedia page about an hour ago.

Peanut (squirrel)

Controversy

Longo ran an OnlyFans account under the username "@squirrel_daddy", where he called himself "Peanut's dad" and produced pornography. Peanut the squirrel's social media following was used to draw viewers to Longo's OnlyFans account, drawing in $800,000 over one month.
- $800,000 over one month.
  
  I really need a new job
- peanut is a plant(er) heyooo
- Why the fuck is the November surprise a pet squirrel being euthanized as a matter of safety?
I think the only reason they care is because they can point at a blue state and say "look at the government overreach!"
- Which is still so weird because... yeah? We know? We (which in their mind includes Dems) were the ones burning down police precincts, what has the Republican party ever done to reduce the power cops have?
- Cop kills a squirrel - government overreach
  
  Cops kill thousands of dogs each year - freedom
  
  I don’t think the squirrel should’ve been killed but I hate these goddamn culture wars

So either the squirrel or dipshit comedian will decide election, 10/10

Elon Musk of squirrels sicko-wistful

I can only wish that he follows the example of his rodent brother.

lol whos the dork with epaulettes in the back

Mr. Creepy is creepy. I wonder if he gave himself a title like Major General Mr. Creepy.
Super Trooper Halloween costume

When he puts it like that... Deserved.

Mr. Peanut 100% rabies confirmed

Every single quote from Vance is easily the dumbest thing I've heard that day.

parody of a parody of a parody

We need Baudrillard emoji for such cases.
- :precession-of-the-parody:

When Peanut the squirrel came to the White House asking me for help on all of his winter food gathering, whether it's walnuts that don't last long enough, bird seed stolen from the yard, or a newspaper clipping with a picture of a peanut on it, without which subsidies he'd be worthless, and telling me how he was a big Trump fan and Republican, I could have said "drop to your knees and beg", and he would have done it...

I'm so tired

the Elon musk of squirrels

Good riddance then.

What is “the Elon of squirrels” even meant to mean. Genuine question
- It was one of the shittiest squirrels alive?
- It’s father (a grey squirrel) owned a hazelnut mine, in a place the native red squirrel population is being threatened by the invasive grey squirrels.